Dave Wants the England Job, Says Steve

Glenn Hoddle wants to be Fabio Capello's successor as England manager, and so does Dave.
"I almost sh*t myself when she left the lid off the blender." (Img: Rpriv2000)

Dave wants the England job, says Steve.

After eminent fruitloop and former national team boss Glenn Hoddle declared his desire to guide the Three Lions through this summer’s European Championships, Steve told Football Burp that Dave is also currently mulling over an application, although the fact that the wife would be bloody livid if he had to postpone their caravanning trip to Tanby could scupper any move.

Dave, who you met in the beer garden of the Rose and Crown that one time when you were both plastered – you remember, you talked for half an hour about how funny that week’s Come Dine With Me was, and then you tried one of his menthol cigarettes and thought it was disgusting – has emerged as the bookies’ fifth favourite for the job after Harry Redknapp, Roy Hodgson, Mike and Stuart Pearce.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Steve said that Dave has all the necessary qualities to lead England through the Euros at the very least.

He said: “Dave’s English, he shouts a lot and he knows all sorts of mindless motivational slogans that he can shout at Theo Walcott when he’s pegging it down the wing.

“I was speaking to Dave yesterday, and he was telling me all about his plan to build the team around a central midfield partnership of Gerrard and Lampard. ‘It’s got to work, Steve,’ he said to me. ‘It’s just got to.’

“It’s precisely that sort of bloody-minded unwillingness to learn from past mistakes that will fire England to victory in Poland and Ukraine.”

He added: “Mind you, I’d be fully in support of Bob getting the job too. He bought me a bag of chips last week, so he’s got to be in with a shout for me.”