Darren Bent regrets not buying the trainers marked ‘clearance’

Revises wisdom of vast personal collection after baffling own goal against Leicester.

These trainers might have helped Darren Bent
TRENDY: Trainers (Image: Saiburi)

Derby County striker Darren Bent admits he regrets not buying the trainers marked ‘clearance’ after scoring a baffling own goal in the 2-2 FA Cup draw with Leicester City.

The somehow-still-only-32-year-old had made headlines during the week for his vast collection of sneakers, accumulated at great expense on account of his footballer’s wealth.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the former Ipswich, Charlton, Spurs, Sunderland and Aston Villa hotshot conceded that he probably should have paid more heed to the cheaper options.

He said: “The ones marked ‘clearance’, I just thought that meant they were on reduced sale and therefore not the type of trainer befitting a striker who once cost £24m.

“I now see that ‘clearance’ probably referred to how they help you to put your ****ing foot through the ball when you’re trying to boot it off the goal line.

“And the label saying ‘50% off’, that probably meant they were suggested for players who are approximately half as effective as they used to be.

“That’s if I’m being kind, which of course I’ve no need to be because this is a spoof story, and not a particularly funny or clever one.

“Go on then, YOU try and write something witty about Darren Bent and ****ing trainers.”