Onlookers were left stunned last night by a Danny Welbeck hat-trick that is already being described in some quarters as “what the hell just happened?”.

The Arsenal forward became the sixth Englishman to score a hat-trick in the Champions League when his onlooker-stunning antics put Galatasaray to the metaphorical sword at that there Emirates Stadium.

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It was a performance that was to stun onlookers to quite unprecedented degrees of stunned onlooking, their considerable amazement sufficient to stun those looking on at them looking on at Welbeck’s hat-trick.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp while looking on at something or somebody else, Alan, a stunned onlooker from Wood Green, admitted to being so stunned by it all that his colleagues and friends were becoming passively stunned from just being around him.

He crowed: “Did you see Welbeck’s hat-trick? Mind-boggling stuff, not seen anything like it since Yaya Sanogo in the Emirates Cup.

“So stunned was I looking on at it that it gave rise to a sort of secondary phase of stunned-onlooker-dom within my nearest and dearest.

“Now we’re all just standing around gaping, unable to respond to even the merest stimulus without a five-second pause followed by a shake of the head and a rub of the eyes.

“It’s like the video to ‘Just’ by Radiohead except we’re all standing up.”

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