Liverpool boss Jürgen Klopp has admitted that Daniel Sturridge may never dance again, or for that matter play football.
The Reds striker, fragile, strained his hamstring while reaching for a Cheese String and is now set to be sidelined for anything between three weeks and twenty years.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Klopp appeared to confirm fears that Sturridge will never again be seen wiggling in his inimitable fashion.
He said: “I’m afraid it looks like bad news for fans of Daniel’s celebratory dance routine.
“Bits of him are dropping off left, right and centre, important bits that keep you coordinated and able to frolic at will.
“I would never have believed that a metatarsal could spontaneously explode if I hadn’t witnessed it with my own eyes, but there you have it.
“All that’s left now is to call Paul Lambert and Tim Sherwood and ask them how they managed to get Christian Benteke playing like Didier f***ing Drogba.
“Because I’ll be f***ed if I can figure it out.”