Confused Suárez outlines plans to bite Evra’s hand off

"Not literally," protests Uruguayan.

Luis Suárez
CHOMPY: Suárez (Image: Jimmy Baikovicius)

Barcelona star Luis Suárez has announced his intention to bite off Patrice Evra’s hand when the two nemeses come face-to-face at next month’s Champions League final.

The Uruguayan, chompy, courted controversy a few seasons back when he repeatedly labelled Evra “a rotten scoundrel” during a match between Liverpool and Manchester United.

Evra, now of Juventus, has stated his intention to shake Suárez’s hand before the game – but Suárez is set to go even further.

Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Suárez outlined his wicked plan.

He said: “Patrice wants a reconciliatory pre-match handshake to put all the nastiness behind us? I’d bite his hand off.

“Wait, don’t put that, it’ll look like I mean it literally. Obviously I’m not actually going to bite his hand off.

“Oh for crying out loud, you’ve gone to press with it? Well, I just hope people are still reading by this point.

“Except they won’t be, will they? Rats.”

As of yet it is unclear what he plans to do with Giorgio Chiellini’s shoulder.