Andre Marriner FA Cup semi-final fever was this morning sweeping the nation as news broke of a clerical error that gifted the hapless referee this month’s Wembley showpiece between Hull City and Sheffield United.
The mistake, administrative, ensures that Marriner will avoid the professional demotion that had been coming his way and provides him with an opportunity to atone for his shock recent decisions to send off Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain instead of Kieran Gibbs and award Chelsea’s 6-0 win over Arsenal to Red Star Belgrade.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, the intern responsible for the mix-up explained that he was frightfully hung-over when he posted Marriner the envelope containing an invitation to referee the semi-final rather than the envelope containing instructions to lay low in League One for a while.
He winced: “I was probably still a little bit drunk, to be honest with you.
“Fortunately rank incompetence has become something of a tradition at the FA, so an Andre Marriner FA Cup semi-final could be just what is needed to reignite interest in the prestigious old tournament.
“Yes, I do talk like journalists write. Funny, that.”
An FA spokesperson confirmed that no measures would be taken to prevent the Andre Marriner FA Cup semi-final from taking place, in much the same way as Marouane Fellaini is free to gouge and spit unpunished as long as the referee doesn’t see it.
The spokesperson said: “What’s done is done. Frankly, we’re all really looking forward to seeing what he’ll do this time, as I’m sure is the nation as a whole.
“Hang on, are you from Soccer Belch? I’m supposed to be speaking to someone from Soccer Belch at this time.
“What the hell is Football Burp? Be gone with you.”
Andre Marriner was unavailable for comment as he was busy trying to distinguish his left shoe from his right.
Mrs Marriner said: “He’ll get there eventually.
“Just give him a couple of hours.”