It’s the Cissé and Evans spitting row that’s had us all grimacing as we shove our bowls of cereal across the breakfast table, and now it’s ascended into a more cerebral form of chaos.
PLUS! THERE’S MORE: The best Jonny Evans and Papiss Cissé spitting jokes
Newcastle United striker Papiss and Manchester United defender Jonny were last night involved in just the kind of gob-off that could land each of the dirty scoundrels with a ban of anything up to, ooh, let’s say six matches.
The Red Devils claimed a fortuitous 1-0 win at St James’s Park thanks to Tim Krul’s late tee-up for Ashley Young, and the Dutch goalkeeper will be grateful to the Cissé and Evans spitting row for deflecting the attention somewhat.
Even more so now, because the drool-disseminating duo have become locked in a bitter dispute as to whose name gets to go first in all future references to the incident.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, a spokesperson for the Department of Mutual Spitting Incident Pronoun Syntax Feuds at the University of Westminster explained the dilemma.
She said: “A lot of media outlets have decided to run with Evans’s name first, presumably either out of deference to the more decorated club or simply because he spat first.
“It’s therefore interesting to see you [us] lead with Cissé’s name – was this decision taken because Newcastle were playing at home, or because C comes before E in the alphabet?
“Uh huh…uh huh…hmmm…uh huh. Hmmm. That’s interesting, I hadn’t considered that aspect of it all.
“Thank you, this has been most illuminating. I shall alert the rest of the department forthwith.”
For more information about spitting and why you shouldn’t do it, go and hock out an outrageous phlegm-ball all over the hardest-looking person in your local and see what happens to you.