Chelsea Switch Attentions to Holt as Power Station Bid Falls Through

Chelsea fail in bid to sign Battersea Power Station
Battersea Power Station... Snag
Chelsea have failed in their bid to land London target building Battersea Power Station.

Roman Abramovich’s Blues were hopeful that the coal-fired power station would join Eden Hazard and Hulk on the way in to Stamford Bridge, but the move was scuppered by a Malaysian company with £400m strapped to the top of their car like a fresh kill.

The Champions League winners will now continue their search for a replacement for outgoing hero Didier Drogba by switching their attentions to Grant Holt of Norwich City.

In other news, satirical football writing reached a nadir today.

It will now switch its attentions to figure skating.

Grant Holt said: “I don’t get it. Do Chelsea want to sign me or not?”

Holt will now switch his attentions to his Xbox 360.

Meanwhile, Battersea Dogs & Cats Home has been linked with Chelsea.

A source said: “Woof!”

He added: “Woof!”