Roman Abramovich’s Blues were hopeful that the coal-fired power station would join Eden Hazard and Hulk on the way in to Stamford Bridge, but the move was scuppered by a Malaysian company with £400m strapped to the top of their car like a fresh kill.
The Champions League winners will now continue their search for a replacement for outgoing hero Didier Drogba by switching their attentions to Grant Holt of Norwich City.
In other news, satirical football writing reached a nadir today.
It will now switch its attentions to figure skating.
Grant Holt said: “I don’t get it. Do Chelsea want to sign me or not?”
Holt will now switch his attentions to his Xbox 360.
Meanwhile, Battersea Dogs & Cats Home has been linked with Chelsea.
A source said: “Woof!”
He added: “Woof!”