Chelsea have lost the Premier League title following Saturday’s 2-1 defeat at Newcastle United, it has been confirmed.
The newly crowned champions, now even more newly de-crowned, are the first team to win the Premier League and then lose it again ironically since Newcastle in 1995-96, when Kevin Keegan reigned and Sky Sports tried to patent the Magpies as “everybody’s second favourite team”.
Newcastle would of course go on to become everybody’s second favourite team on account of their generous comedy value.
Upon hearing news of Chelsea’s demise, Manchester City hot shot Sergio Agüero immediately collapsed to the turf with knee ligament damage and in doing so surrendered his side’s initiative in what is turning into a thrilling post-title race.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, someone or other asserted that Chelsea were best placed to capitalise on Agüero’s injury woe and reclaim a title they never really had claimed at all.
He said: “That’s it, show’s over, no way can City last the pace without a consistently fit and firing Agüero.
“You might as well cancel the annulment of Chelsea’s title and hand them the title right now, because there’s no way City will clinch top spot with Edin Džeko playing and Agüero out injured.
“Even though that’s exactly what they did last season, I suddenly remember.”
He added: “I wonder if the bookies are still open.”