Barton Still Out Beating People Up, Blames You

Joey Barton was sent off while playing for Queens Park Rangers against Manchester City
Barton... Fink
Joey Barton, star of Twitter and latterly of Newsnight, was this morning still pummelling people with his fists, feet and forehead – and furthermore he blames you.

Yes, you.

The psycho, a Virgo, was sent off during yesterday’s crunch match between Manchester City and Queens Park Rangers for totally losing his sh*t and attacking roughly £70m worth of talent, taking his tally of pulped City players to four after his ultimately one-sided altercation with Ousmane Dabo in 2007.

Holding one guy by the throat and punching the face of another behind him, Barton cleared his throat in a businesslike manner and explained to Football Burp that the incident was not so much his fault as yours.

He articulated: “At first I thought Carlos Tevez started it – in fact I do believe I tweeted as such – but the more I think about it, the more it dawns on me that this goes back further.

“This is your fault – it was you that perpetuated my reputation into a self-fulfilling prophecy, you whose insatiable demand for football led to the game being staged in the first place, you whose predilection for violent films and computer games feeds the glorification of violence in the minds of young men like myself.

“No doubt I’ll cop the blame for it and you’ll escape unpunished yet again, because Britain is so deeply entrenched in scapegoat culture that I’m left with no choice but to beat the living daylights out of people until I tire from it.”

When asked why, Barton said: “I’ll spit in your eye.”