Mario Balotelli racism, unintended or otherwise, is perfectly acceptable as long as he starts scoring lots of lovely goals, Liverpool have confirmed.
The Italian, madcap, attracted widespread scorn and condemnation when he retweeted an image of the Super Mario video game character alongside some of the most shockingly offensive racism witnessed this side of Dave Whelan.
Text included in the image referred variously to Super Mario looking like a Mexican, jumping like a black man, grabbing coins like a Jew, catching like a girl, self-grooming like a cat and blowing things way out of proportion like a human.
Balotelli has since apologised for the controversial retweet, explaining that his mother is a Jew, his daughter is a girl and his cat is a cat.
However this has not been enough to appease the good folk at Witch Hunt HQ, who have officially derided the Balotelli racism as being like “Dapper Laughs meets Sextgate meets Plebgate times a billion”.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, a spokesperson for Liverpool Football Club stated that Balotelli can do or say whatever the hell he likes as long as he starts scoring at a rate approaching Luis Suárez levels of prolific.
He said: “Mario would then be free to dive, bite, gouge and insult whomsoever or whatsoever he chooses.
“That’s how we work here – we’re a family and we never walk alone.
“Unless you’re not doing the business, in which case you’re no better than a stinking [interview cut short for legal reasons].”