It’s the Mario Balotelli Liverpool move that’s got a nation on tenterhooks, and it’s been recognised as the sole reason for a sharp rise in popcorn sales in the UK.
The proposed transfer, titillating, was this morning also being congratulated for precipitating a record number of transactions involving little fold-up chairs and general camping paraphernalia.
Having lost star false 9 Luis Suárez to Barcelona, Reds boss Brendan Rodgers has been on the lookout for a total headcase to lead his side’s charge for a second consecutive premature title win.
With talks now ongoing to bring the former Manchester City striker to Anfield from Serie A giants AC Milan, it looks as if Rodgers has finally found his man.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, an ecstatic Rodgers declared the Mario Balotelli Liverpool move to be an outstanding bit of business on his own part.
He grumbled, gruffly: “Mario is a real warrior of spirit who leaves no stones unturned in his quests, which are relentless, so we’re delighted to be adding him to the group.
“He’s a courageous leader who can add so much to our geem, and we in turn will be looking to add so much to his geem.
“We’ve got a lot of geems coming up this season so he’ll need to be on top of his geem, but command can be lonely so our quest is relentless.
“Through adversity, to the stars!”
Speaking exclusively to Popcorn Burp, a spokesperson for Butterkist thanked Liverpool and Rodgers on behalf of popcorn manufacturers everywhere.
She said: “Be they sweet, salty or a mixture of the two, I’m sure that popcornmakers everywhere are in Brendan’s debt.
“If we continue to sell our product at the current rate then it won’t be long before we can all retire to condos in Boca Raton and have lobster fed to us by attractive immigrants.
“I haven’t had the chance to speak with my counterparts in the little fold-up chairs industry, but I’m sure they’re watching developments with equal amounts of excitement and trepidation.
“Come to think of it, perhaps they’d like some popcorn.”