Arsenal’s Jack Wilshere has won the first annual ‘Scrotie’, awarded to the man or woman in the public eye to whom the term ‘scrote’ seems the most applicable.
The Gunners midfielder, obnoxious, celebrated his side’s 4-0 FA Cup final victory over Aston Villa by climbing atop a bus and repeatedly correcting Ossie Ardiles’s pronunciation of ‘Tottenham’ with the amplification of a megaphone.
And now the cigarette smoking little scrote can redouble his celebrations having scooped a gong that no-one had ever even heard of prior to us making it up just now to illustrate a rather flimsy and subjective point.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Wilshere spoke of his delight in between ostentatious applications of coconut oil to his tattooed arms.
He said: “Not only am I now really dashing and masculine, I’m also really successful too.
“As anyone who’s ever scooped a gong will tell you, the sense of self-worth and validation is nothing short of arousing.
“It will perfectly complement my already exorbitant ego and I look forward to developing my nobbishness in the future.”
Wilshere then administered a dominant nipple twist on Burp’s hapless reporter.