Granit Xhaka has KO’d Philippe Senderos with a metal fold-up chair, further escalating the Past v Present Royal Rumble that threatens to completely engulf Arsenal.

The Swiss duo came to blows after wading into an ongoing bout between Mesut Özil and Ian Wright to determine which man has more of a point about the Gunners’ current travails.

It also comes hot on the heels of Nacho Monreal hoisting Nelson Vivas onto his shoulders and spinning him into a horizontal position while threatening to ‘body slam’ him down onto an already-prostrate Ian Selley.

Meanwhile, Arsenal chiefs are reported to be cooking up “the juiciest of juicy backstories” involving Olivier Giroud, Eddie McGoldrick and a former Miss Panama.

A source said: “It’s going to be sensational, just you wait and see.

“We’re also going to have Arsène Wenger dressed as The Undertaker climbing into and out of a coffin as he deliberates whether or not to grab Perry Groves in a choke hold.

“That’s sure to be good.”