Mitropa, god of the Champions League, has spoken out to confirm Arsenal’s eternal damnation after they were once again drawn against Bayern Munich.
Following years of last 16 exits to the Bundesliga champions and Barcelona, many had suspected the Gunners to be somewhat in the bad books of any relevant deity.
Such a deity had hitherto kept a low profile but has now come out of the god closet to reveal his divine self as Mitropa, god of all Champions League football.
And he claims to have had it in for Arsenal ever since Jens Lehmann brutally scythed down Samuel Eto’o in the 2006 final.
He told Football Burp: “I just really liked Eto’o, you know? Met him this one time, got a selfie and everything. Great guy.
“So I’ve been the architect of all their Champions League misfortune ever since . The last 16 draws, Robin van Persie’s sending off in the Nou Camp, the tantalising second leg wins that were never quite enough – all of it.
“Pretty good joke, eh?”