Harry Redknapp has launched a scathing attack on Adel Taarabt, accusing him of looking “like a snake that’s just swallowed Vanessa Feltz”.
The Queens Park Rangers manager, a reluctant wheeler dealer, was entertainingly animated as he took aim at the Moroccan midfielder’s distinct lack of bang for his not inconsiderable buck.
Taarabt played no part in QPR’s own-goal-riddled 2-3 defeat to Liverpool yesterday and is yet to start a game this season having been caught sending a succession of obese relatives to training sessions in his place.
Speaking exclusively to Football Burp, Redknapp took a swig from a brown paper bag, hiccuped a few times and muttered something that sounded like “sixty grand a week, cor blimey luv a duck”.
He slurred: “I’m not saying Adel Taarabt’s fat, but he’s just uploaded a video of himself to YouTube doing the bargain bucket challenge.
“But seriously folks, he accidentally sat on his iPhone and it turned into an iPad. The kit man has to take his shirt to the driveway just to iron it.
“He’s such a porker that the lads have nicknamed him ‘Adele’, a joke which admittedly only really becomes apparent in writing.
“I’ve seen him get on the weighing scales and the club doctor said, ‘Hey, that’s my phone number!’
“When we signed him, we had to pay by the pound. That’s one fat f***.”