Did you know that Emmanuel Adebayor blames fans when his team are misfiring? And not only them, but also his manager, the weather, Rupert Murdoch, bird flu and even migration patterns?

Those are the overriding conclusions to be drawn from the Tottenham Hotspur striker’s latest rant, in which he sets the world to rights in no uncertain terms with regards his side’s woeful form.

Yesterday’s 1-2 defeat to Stoke City at White Hart Lane made it 438,000 consecutive home defeats for the beleaguered north London outfit, with manager-for-the-time-being Mauricio Pochettino inadvertently teaching himself English in the search for excuses.

And when Adebayor blames fans, you can bet your bottom dollar he does so exclusively to Football Burp.

He roared: “It’s all this indecorous booing, you see – sure we’re playing like chumps, but at least continue showering us with adulation until we consider putting some effort in.

“Quite frankly we’d rather play all our games away from home, where the flak is at least confined to a little corner of the ground rather than sensurrounding us.

“And then there’s the manager – we can’t tell what on earth he’s banging on about half the time. He keeps using strange words like ‘defence’ and ‘commitment’, it’s bamboozling to us.”

He continued: “Then there’s the weather’s role in all of this – too cold by half. And don’t get me started on Rupert Murdoch, if he didn’t put all the games on telly then maybe we wouldn’t freeze up so very chronically.

“As for migration patterns and that projected bird flu epidemic from a few years back, I’m pretty sure they’re all wrapped up in this somehow.

“The only thing we can say with any degree of certainty is that this is not the players’ fault.”