I’m Mystic Megson I am, and my World Cup score predictions are framed throughout the land – so get a load of my predictions for these first stage matches from Group F and Group G!

Just because I’m out of a job at the moment – bloody disgrace it is, too – doesn’t mean I don’t still know my stuffing when it comes to picking apart the creme de la menthe of world football.

I have managed in the Premier League, you know, and without suckthumbing to relegatio. Er, except that one time at West Blom.

Now put your balls on this lot, lads! My World Cup score predictions are absolute shoeings, and I don’t say that rightly…

World Cup score predictions – Monday June 16th

Germany v Portugal, 17:00

This has all the makings of a titonic tossil! Joe King Low’s Germanicals take on Paul Bent’s Portugeese in what is sure to be a tintitillating ink counter at the Salvo Door.

With the likes of Ron Aldo, Muzzy Ozzle and Phillip the Lamb all stuffing their strut, literally anything could happen. And I do mean literally.

Mystic Megson says: Germany 2-3 Portugal – Mario Curtsy and Bastion Wines-Tiger for the Germanicals, Aldo hat-trick for the Geese. You can put your balls on it!

Iran v Nigeria, 20:00

How titonic is this tossil? Nigeria carry a pungent attacking threat with the likes of Sholo Ameobo, Pete Odemwingding and Victor Moseley, but you can never rule out an Iran side containing…er…Ghoochannejhad.

Was that right? I can never remember some names.

Mystic Megson says: Iran 0-2 Nigeria – Odemwingding and good old Joey Yobbo with the all-imported strikings. You can lace a boot with it!

Ghana v USA, 23:00

If it’s titonic you’re looking for, allow me to introduce you to this skintitillating tossil – Ghana will still be teething after their despotly unplucky defeat to Uruguay last time out, but Klurgen Jinsmann’s soccer dudes can never be dismissed out of pocket.

It’s a deathly group what with those Germanicals and Portugeese also in the mix, so ultimuttley a drawer suits neither outfit. And I don’t say that brightly.

Mystic Megson says: Ghana 2-2 USA – Jazzamoah Jan and Sally Muntery for the Starblacks, Clint Dumpsey and Jay-Z Altidote for the dudes. You can gut a trout with it!

Those were my World Cup score predictions for Monday June 16th. Place your balls, now!

NOW: Check out Mystic Megson’s World Cup score predictions for tomorrow!