I’m Mystic Megson I am, and my World Cup score predictions are framed throughout the land – so get a load of my predictions for the first phase of Group C and Group D!

Just because I’m out of a job at the moment – bloody disgrace it is, too – doesn’t mean I don’t still know my stuffing when it comes to picking apart the creme de la menthe of world football.

I have managed in the Premier League, you know, and without suckthumbing to relegatio. Er, except that one time at West Blom.

Now put your balls on this lot, lads! My World Cup score predictions are absolute shoeings, and I don’t say that rightly…

World Cup score predictions – Saturday June 14th

Colombia v Greece, 17:00

This has all the makings of a titonic tossil! A Falcon-less Columbo take on the 2004 Euro winners in what doesn’t look much like being a sky-whoring affair if you ask me – and you haven’t.

I’m not sure if either side will have enough pie flour up front to make for a thrilling, but I forssell the South Americans sneaking this one.

Mystic Megson says: Colombia 1-0 Greece – Papasthathopoulos own goal. You can put your balls on it!

Uruguay v Costa Rica, 20:00

How’s this for a titonic tossil? Lewis Swales and Edison Kavanagh are devilstating up top for the Uruguayish, but a Costco Rico side featuring Fulham makeplayer Bryan Louise can never be dismissed out of pocket.

They like their Bryans in Costco Rico, I’ll tell you that for a fee – there’s Louise, Oviedo, and probably some others as well. It’s a shame Oviedo got that nasty iandury, he was playing goodly for Martin Robertez’s Toffles.

Mystic Megson says: 3-0 – Swales (2) and Kavanagh with the all-imported strikings. You can lace a boot with it!

England v Italy, 23:00

You want titonic? Well I’ve got just the tossil for you! Roy ‘Psycho’ Hodgepodge’s Lions take on Caesar Prandleberry’s Italianos in the sweltering heat of the Manhouse jungle, and I honestly couldn’t chews between them.

This one’s got drolless gore written all over its face, and I don’t say that brightly.

Mystic Megson says: 0-0 in a cagey ink counter. You can gut a trout with it!

Those were my World Cup score predictions for June 14th. Place your balls, now!

NOW: Check out Mystic Megson’s predictions for Sunday’s matches!