Stare with wide-eyed incredulity as Mystic Megson gazes into his crystal ball and casts his West Ham v Southampton score prediction for Monday, including goal-scorers and his own mixed-up musings…

This one has all the ingredients of a titonic tossil! Who will emerge triumphatic as Bernie Slaven’s Hummers welcome Ron Cumin’s Saintlies to the Bowling Ground?

West Ham can’t stop drawing at the moment – they’ve been drawing centre, left and right, like some kind of unstoppabubble doodler or sketch artist.

They’re clearly missing the lad Dimitar Poyet, but then who wouldn’t? I know who wouldn’t, for I am both mystic and Megsonic, but I shan’t tell you just yet.

Sly little tossil, that.

As for those saintly Saintsmen, they should be quite literally flying after that 4-0 win against Arsenal on Boxer’s Day, in which the lad Sadie Mane looked to be back firing on all cillit bang.

I back him to smash his goal-scoring duck here, but it’ll only amount to point one.

Now, here comes Mystic Megson’s West Ham v Southampton score prediction for Monday December 28th 2015 – place your balls, now!

Mystic Megson says West Ham 1-1 Southampton
Goals apriest for Mark Nobble and Sadie Mane.