Burst into wild, spontaneous applause as Mystic Megson gazes into his crystal balls and casts his Stoke v Newcastle score prediction for New Year’s Day, including goal-scorers and his own distinctive take on proceedings…

It’s almost too titonic for words! Who will claim all point three as Hark Muse’s Potties welcome Roffle Benito’s Magpipes to the 365 Bets Arena?

That’s assuming Muse is still in charge by then, because the 5-0 disgruntling Stoke suckthumbed to at Chelsea last time out might be the vinyl straw for many of their fans.

I’m not sure what a vinyl straw is precisely, but it does sound impractical.

As for Newcastle, they’re still anguishing towards the foot of the tabletop following their goalless snore at home to Brighton, so this has all the makings of a relegation point-sixer.

And you know what? Somehow I can forssell the Potties sneakering it. But will it be enough to save Muse?

Now, here comes Mystic Megson’s Stoke City v Newcastle United score prediction for Monday January 1st 2018 – place your balls, now!

Mystic Megson says Stoke 1-0 Newcastle
Mama Byriani Duff with the divisive strike.