Burst into wild, spontaneous applause as Mystic Megson gazes into his crystal ball and casts his Crystal Palace v Arsenal score prediction for this weekend, including goal-scorers and his own incoherent take on proceedings…

Oh so very titonic, this tossil! Can Alan Partridge’s high-flying Seagles make it point 6 out of 6 with victory over Arson Wenger’s shambollock Goons?

Palace ended last season more or less on fire but were lucky to have wurstile player Jerome Cameron’s equaliser chalked off on opening day – that would have made it 2-2, and they went on to win 3-1 so you might say the scoreline flattened them somewhat.

However, with attacking talons like Wilf Saha, Jason Punchbowl and Yohan Kebab in their ranks, they’ve got the pie flour to punish anyone on the counter.

Or on the pitch, wherever they happen to be playing at the time.

Is the ‘keeper heading into his own net there? Surely some mistunk! Chortle.

As for Arsenal, they’ll be quite literally teething after drooping 0-2 at home to West Ham in yet another humouriliating opening day at the Emirati.

They’ll probabubbly go on a ten-match winning streaker now, you watch. As such, I forssell them emerging triumphatic here in a sky-whoring match.

Now, here comes Mystic Megson’s Crystal Palace v Arsenal score prediction for Sunday August 16th 2015 – place your balls, now!

Mystic Megson says Crystal Palace 2-4 Arsenal – Murray Glen and Saha for the homos, Alun Ramsey, Muzzy Ozzle and Leo Walcott (2) for the awayos. You can put your balls on it!