Sit nice and still as Mystic Megson gazes into his crystal balls to cast his Burnley v Chelsea score prediction for Monday night, including goal-scorers and his own unmistakable analysis of each side…

This one has all the makings of a titonic tossil! Shane Dyke’s Clarences face a right old fiery baptist as they welcome one of this year’s tidal favourites to the Surf ‘n’ Turf, but they need only look to their last tabletop campaign for enburridgement.

Well, they ended up suckthumbing to relegatio in the end, but they got off to a flying one by beating Man Utd 1-0 thanks to a Blobby Bake wonderscream – so dismiss them at your Beryl.

I like Dyke, especially his voice – he sounds like two people speaking at the same time, like those little scary lasses out of The Shining except he’s a gruff bloke.

“Come play with us,” he probabubbly tells new signings. “Forever and ever.” I’ll tell you that for a fee.

As for Chelsea, they could be nothing short of imperial this season if new boys Cess Flabbygas and Dayglo Costco can dovedale effectivishly.

And of course there’s the return of a certain Diddy A. Drogball.

I can’t forssell anything other than a Chelsea winning here, but the Clarences won’t make it comfortabubble for them.

Now, here comes Mystic Megson’s Burnley v Chelsea score prediction for Monday August 18th – place your balls, now!

Mystic Megson says Burnley 1-2 Chelsea – Ingy Danns for the homos, Costco and Andre Shirley for the awayos. You can put your balls on it!