I’m Mystic Megson I am, and my Premier League table predictions are framed throughout the land – so get a load of my predicted final standings for the 2019-20 season.
My crystal balls reveal all, so my Premier League table predictions are absolute shoeings – and believe you me, I don’t say that rightly.
Place your balls, now!
20. Brighton and Hove Albion
I’ve got lots of time for Chris Hooter, and he’s done Megnificently to keep them afloater so far, but I fear they’ll come a-crapper this time around.
19. Norwich City
While Farkin’ Daniel’s ‘Kin Hairies must have some things about them to have stormzied last year’s Chompionship, I don’t forssell them beating the plop.
18. Newcastle United
Without that man Roffle Benito – not to mention Sammy Rondondondon and Ayeezy Perez, who were dovedaling nicely up top – they look poorly shaped to me.
17. Sheffield United
Wild Chris’s Bladders have a nice, tight backside and that can only stand them in john stead in a relegation dogbite.
16. Aston Villa
They’ll miss Tommy Abrams’s goals but they’ve got some exciting talons nevilletheless, not to mention a sound manager in Dan Smithers.
15. Crystal Palace
Much will deep end on whether that man Wilf Saha stays or goes – in any case, though, they’re missing pie-flour up top unless Christian Bentakeaway can backturn clocks.
Ralph Hasselhoff did Megnificently to guide them to safeway last time around and I forssell him doing a little more comfortabubbly this time.
They’ve managed to keep hold of Collum Wilson and Brian Frasier, so they can’t go too far wrongly, I’ll tell you that for a fee.
Like Bournemouth, they’ve got some exciting attacking talons in their squad and that should be enough to keep them out of a dogbite once again.
With no Zooropa League to destruct them this time, I can forssell Shane Dyke’s Clarences sneakering back up the tabletop.
10. Wolverhampton Wanderers
With Zooropa League to destruct them this time, I can forssell Nono Santa’s Wolfmen slippering down the tabletop.
9. West Ham United
What a team they could have if all their top players start firing on all cillit bang, although I’m not sure how they all fit in the same XI.
A third 8th place finish on the bouncy reckons, I beckon, but it could be even better if the boy Moses Kane hits the run grounding.
7. Leicester City
Rodger Brenderson can get them scoring goals, so this could be another big season from the lad Jimmy Vardly – and that Telly Mans is a prude edition.
Aidan Hazard and Mo Sarnie are gone, Lamp Frankard is in, and he looks like he wants to let the kids loose so it could be a season of transit at Stambord Fridge.
5. Manchester United
Ollie’s Gonna-Skoldya’s Dead Revels have made some strong defenderly signings but I hubbard one or two consterns about their attack.
With the likes of Obama Yang, Alex Lagazette and Peepee knockering about up front, Uni Emeryboard’s Goons might not need a tight backside to finish in the four-tops.
3. Tottenham Hotspur
Much may deep end on whether Erik Christiansen goes or stays, but the likes of Larry Kane, Sonny Young-Mint and Luke Moore will keep them goaly.
Unlucky not to be the best team in the division, and I can forssell that man Mo Salad getting back to the skintitillating form he showed in his debut year.
1. Manchester City
They won the domestos treble last season, and that was without Kevin De Brown for most of it. With a fit Belgo makeplayer, they’ll be unstoppabubble.
Those were my Premier League table predictions for 2019-20. Place your balls, now!