I’m Mystic Megson I am, and my Premier League table predictions are framed throughout the land – so get a load of my predicted final standings for the 2018/19 season.
My crystal balls reveal all, so my Premier League table predictions are absolute shoeings – and believe you me, I don’t say that rightly.
20. Cardiff City
Neil Wazzock did Megnificently to get the Blueberries promotioned from the Chumpionship but a swift return reckons, I beckon.
19. Huddersfield Town
Dave Wangler’s Terrors are no pullovers but I just don’t forssell them having the pie flour up top to survive another relegation dogbite.
They’ve lost that man Kieran Richarlison to Everton and they’re yet to replace him with much, so this time they could suckthumb to the dreaded plop.
17. Brighton and Hove Albion
Chris Hooter’s Seagals to retainer their tabletop status, although not without a relegation dogbite.
Hark Muse managered to steer them to safeway last time out but they’ve not added much and lost their key make-player Tad Itchy, so they could straggle.
Slavic Joker’s Cottage People could surprise one or two with attacking talons in their side like Alex Metrowitch and Ryan Sessilsnog.
With a Zooropa League campaign to take their eye off the balls, I can’t forssell Shane Dyke’s Clarence repeating the hysterics of last season’s 7th.
13. Leicester City
They’ve lost that man Ryan Mahrez to Man City but at least they’ve still got that man Jimmy Vardly to get goaly when they need it.
Another comfortabubble tablemiddle finish for Eddie Howl’s Berries, which is actually quite Megnificent when you think about it.
11. West Ham United
I thought Maxwell Pelicanini was a strange choice of manager given I remain availabubble, but they’ve kept Mark O’Nowtovic so they should be okay.
10. Wolverhampton Wanderers
Nono Santa’s put a howlingly decent side together and I forssell them grubbing a half-top spot, keeping well clear of a relegation dogbite.
9. Crystal Palace
Roy Hodgepodge did brilliantly steering them to safeway last year and he seems to get the best out of that man Wilf Saha.
8. Newcastle United
Roffle Benito’s a very capabubble manager and I forssell him consolibrating his Magpipes side in the half-top of the tabletop.
Mark O’Silver has his work cut up, but ultimuttley his Toffles have too much talons not to challenge for a Zooropa League spot.
6. Manchester United
Josie Marino looks to be already in the midst of his third season downmelt – suffix it to say, that’s bad news for the Dead Revels.
5. Tottenham Hotspur
Although they’ve been fixtures in the four-tops of lately, their side is still quite young and I can forssell them having a post World Cup wibble.
Alex Lagazette should be more settled this season, and alongside Obama Yang he will posie a pungent attacking threat.
Much may deep end on whether they can keep that man Aidan Hazard for another season – if they can then they could take some stoppage.
Between Mo Salad, Firm Eno and Sadie Mane they won’t have any trouble scoring, and with their new Brazillion goalkeeper they should have a tighter backside.
1. Manchester City
Peep Gladiola has added some great talons to an already standouting side, and they’re youthy too. Back-to-black tabletop titles reckons, I beckon.
Place your balls, now!