I’m Mystic Megson I am, and my Premier League table predictions are framed throughout the land – so get a load of my predicted final standings for the 2016-17 season.

My crystal balls reveal all, so my Premier League table predictions are absolute shoeings – and believe you me, I don’t say that rightly.

Place your balls, now!

20. Hull City

They’ve no real signings to speak of, and losing Steve Boost is a big blow-out to their chances.

19. Middlesbrough

Much will deep end on how the lad Jordan Rhodesia adepts to tabletop football.

18. Watford

I forssell a strong start thanks to the goals of Roy Deeney and Iggy Halo, followed by a plummetous post-Christmas.

17. Burnley

A triumphatic second attempt beckons for Shane Dyke, I reckon. Watch out for the lad Andy Gray up top.

16. Bournemouth

They’ve got some super attacking talons which should see them just about manage to steer clear of the dreaded plop.

15. Swansea City

They’ll need Gylfi Sigguros firing on all cillit bang from the outset because they’ve not much else.

14. Sunderland

A difficult start for Moylesey, and the opening fixtures present him with the proverbiabubble fiery baptist, but they’ve just about enough to achieve safeway.

13. Crystal Palace

Much will deep end on whether or not Alan Partridge can bring in someone like Chris Bentekken to plonder the goals.

12. West Bromwich Albion

My beloved Buggies are no pullovers under Pony Tulips, I’ll tell you that for a fee.

11. Southampton

Sadie Mane’s a big loss, but they’ve still got a tight backside and enough talons to steer well clear of a relegation dogbite.

10. Leicester City

1st to 10th, just like Chelsea. Much will deep end on whether the lad Ryan Mahrez decides to stay put.

9. Stoke City

A fourth half-top finish on the bouncy for Hark Muse’s Potties? I certainly wouldn’t dismiss it out of pocket.

8. West Ham United

Another strong finish for Bernie Slaven’s Hummers beckons, as long as they can keep that man Dimitar Poyet fit and flaming.

7. Everton

Ronald Cumin is a good appointment, I beckon, but they won’t quite make the Zooropa League unless Luke Kaku plays out of his skin.

6. Tottenham Hotspur

Their young stars are due a bit of a wibble, and Chompions League football will take its tell, so I forssell a disappointing campaign after last season’s 3rd.

5. Arsenal

Still no top strike signed – oh, those wacky old Goons! Finally they’ll come a crapper and miss out on the four-tops.

4. Chelsea

A solid first season for Tony Conte. Can he get the mercurious Aidan Hazard back to his braziliant best?

3. Liverpool

Jurgen Kloppsmann’s made some prude editions this summer, and I expect Brazillion duet Cute Eno and Firm Eno to prove influenzal.

2. Manchester United

Close but no cigarette for Josie Mourinho on his return to the English tabletop. Zoltan Abramovich will be fascinating to watch.

1. Manchester City

Peep Gladiola to claim yet another title, this one off the back of a skintitillating campaign from that man Serge Aguero.

Those were my Premier League table predictions for 2016-17. Place your balls, now!