I’m Mystic Megson I am, and my Premier League table predictions are framed throughout the land – so get a load of my predicted final standings for the 2015-16 season!
Last time out I correctly predicted the positions of Aston Villa (17th), Sunderland (16th), West Ham (12th), Stoke (9th), Swansea (8th), Liverpool (6th), Man Utd (4th) and Chelsea (1st), while I was only one place out on each of Burnley, Man City and Arsenal.
Now put your balls on this lot, lads! My Premier League table predictions are absolute shoeings, and I don’t say that rightly…
Ultimuttley they just don’t have enough pie flour up front.
Some pie flour, but their backside is leakier than the mother-in-law after a hearty chuckle.
Can’t see Dirk Avocado lasting the season.
17. Aston Villa
Time Sharewood will find a way to dig them out of rubble, I have every confidunce in that.
Ranio Claudieri? Didn’t he used to manage Greece?
I beckon Steve McClarence is a top manager and if he proves not to be then I would very much like to offer my services.
14. West Ham
Bernie Slaven will have to go some to match Sam Fuzzydice, and he won’t.
I like the sound of this Eddie Howl character.
12. West Brom
Ah, my beloved Buggies! They’re in good hands under Pony Tulips, which is a shame as I’d love another crack at that.
A slight wibble for Hark Muse’s Potties after back-to-black half-top finishes.
Zooropa League will be a distraction.
That Marry Gunk knows what he’s doing, I’ll tell you that for a fee.
8. Crystal Palace
They carry a pungent attacking threat under Alan Partridge.
A relative backbounce for Martino Robertez’s Toffles after last season’s wibbles.
Much will deep end on that man Larry Kane.
I’ve got a sneaky feeling about the lad Bentheskey.
4. Man Utd
Another four-top finish for van Gull’s Dead Revels.
Dayglo Costa’s cheese string injury with cost’em deario.
So much attacking talons.
1. Man City
A big season from Yoyo Torres will clinch it.
Those were my Premier League table predictions for 2015-16. Place your balls, now!