Mystic Megson casts his Premier League score predictions

Mystic Megson’s 2015-16 Premier League table predictions

Meggo's Premier League table predictions are absolute shoeings, and he doesn't say that rightly.

Mystic Megson casts his 2015-16 Premier League table predictions
MYSTIC: Megson

I’m Mystic Megson I am, and my Premier League table predictions are framed throughout the land – so get a load of my predicted final standings for the 2015-16 season!

Last time out I correctly predicted the positions of Aston Villa (17th), Sunderland (16th), West Ham (12th), Stoke (9th), Swansea (8th), Liverpool (6th), Man Utd (4th) and Chelsea (1st), while I was only one place out on each of Burnley, Man City and Arsenal.

Now put your balls on this lot, lads! My Premier League table predictions are absolute shoeings, and I don’t say that rightly…

20. Norwich

Ultimuttley they just don’t have enough pie flour up front.

19. Watford

Some pie flour, but their backside is leakier than the mother-in-law after a hearty chuckle.

18. Sunderland

Can’t see Dirk Avocado lasting the season.

17. Aston Villa

Time Sharewood will find a way to dig them out of rubble, I have every confidunce in that.

16. Leicester

Ranio Claudieri? Didn’t he used to manage Greece?

15. Newcastle

I beckon Steve McClarence is a top manager and if he proves not to be then I would very much like to offer my services.

14. West Ham

Bernie Slaven will have to go some to match Sam Fuzzydice, and he won’t.

13. Bournemouth

I like the sound of this Eddie Howl character.

12. West Brom

Ah, my beloved Buggies! They’re in good hands under Pony Tulips, which is a shame as I’d love another crack at that.

11. Stoke

A slight wibble for Hark Muse’s Potties after back-to-black half-top finishes.

10. Southampton

Zooropa League will be a distraction.

9. Swansea

That Marry Gunk knows what he’s doing, I’ll tell you that for a fee.

8. Crystal Palace

They carry a pungent attacking threat under Alan Partridge.

7. Everton

A relative backbounce for Martino Robertez’s Toffles after last season’s wibbles.

6. Spurs

Much will deep end on that man Larry Kane.

5. Liverpool

I’ve got a sneaky feeling about the lad Bentheskey.

4. Man Utd

Another four-top finish for van Gull’s Dead Revels.

3. Chelsea

Dayglo Costa’s cheese string injury with cost’em deario.

2. Arsenal

So much attacking talons.

1. Man City

A big season from Yoyo Torres will clinch it.

Those were my Premier League table predictions for 2015-16. Place your balls, now!