I’m Mystic Megson, I am, and when I predict the weekend’s Premier League results, people listen. Just because I’m currently battling for promotion to the Championship with Sheffield Wednesday – and doing a bloody good job of it too, thank you very much – it doesn’t mean that I don’t still know my onions when it comes to picking apart the greatest league in the world. I have managed in it, you know, and on more than one occasion. Now hang your hat on this lot, lads…

Wolverhampton Wanderers v Aston Villa, Saturday 3pm

Mick McCarthy’s men had a bit of a shocker of Wednesday night, going down 1-0 at home to local rivals Birmingham City, and the Molineux faithful will be going absolutely ballistic if they don’t get owt against Villa or at home to West Brom in a few weeks’ time. I’d love to see my old mucker Mick steer Wolves to safeways once again but, frankly, I’m afraid their midfield is as bland as the missus’ taste in furniture, and they’re about as likely to keep a clean sheet as…no, I shouldn’t say that. You can get in trouble for allsorts nowadays, and I’m not talking about liquorice! Chortle.

Last week, I said Wolves’d go down 3-1 at Tottenham Hotspur but they held on for a creditable 1-1 draw. So I got half the score right. Must have been a bit of dust on the old crystal football.

As much as I respect and admire Alex McLeish – his Carling Cup win with Birmingham last season struck a blow for red-headed football managers everywhere – I’d rather play Kerplunk! with my baby nieces than watch Villa play at the moment. Good to see Stephen Ireland finding some form at last, but he’s still got a shifty look that I don’t trust. Still, never judge a book by its…you know, the thing what’s around the outside of it. Must start leaving the whiskey cabinet alone of a Friday, I know I’ve got these predictions to do and all.

Last week, I said Aston Villa would snooze everyone’s way to a 0-0 draw at home to the similarly stultifying yet commendably ginger-led Everton. It was 1-1 so I was basically right. Blame the dust.

Mystic Megson says: 1-1, goals apiece from Fletcher and Agbonlahor. Or something similarly underwhelming. Sorry lads!