I’m Mystic Megson, I am, and when I predict the weekend’s Premier League results, people listen. Just because I’m currently battling for promotion to the Championship with Sheffield Wednesday – and doing a bloody good job of it too, thank you very much – it doesn’t mean that I don’t still know my onions when it comes to picking apart the greatest league in the world. I have managed in it, you know, and on more than one occasion. Now hang your hat on this lot, lads…

Queens Park Rangers v Wigan Athletic, Saturday 3pm

Hughesy hasn’t got off to a flyer at Loftus Road, losing 1-0 at Newcastle last weekend and scraping to a narrow home win over League One side MK Dons in the FA Cup, but he’s a solid bloke who’s not afraid to throw his fishes out the pram when the lads aren’t performing like what he expects from ‘em. Not being funny, right, but not only are you in the bottom three now, your performances got my good friend Neil Warnock sacked. He’s been round our gaff every night since, tearing through our whiskey cabinet and turning the air blue. Thanks a bundle, lads.

Last week, I said QPR would draw 1-1 at Newcastle with Joey Barton – who else? – getting the goal for Mark Hughes’ men. Of course I forgot he was suspended for sort of not quite head-butting that lad, and if I’d remembered that then I’d have correctly predicted the Magpies to win 1-0. It’s my crystal football, y’see – it was somewhat dusty at the time.

Wigan showed up okay against Manchester City on Monday night, but they’ve got their legs cut out if they’re gonna claw their way back to safeways now they’re bottom after 21 games. Losing 4-1 at home to Martin O’Neill’s Resurgent Sunderland Side ™ before that was a bit of a carte blanche for Roberto Martinez, and he certainly faces an uphill garden with the squad of players he’s got available to him. I’d love to see them scrape to safeways yet again, I really would, but I think this season will prove to be one too many for the Spaniel and his team.

Last week, I said Wigan’d lose 3-1 at home to City with a hat-trick from Sergio Silvatelli. I weren’t too far wrong, lads. I’d blame the dust.

Mystic Megson says: 3-0 QPR, with goals from Helguson, Wright-Phillips and Bothroyd piling the mystery on Martinez. You can stamp your authority on that lot, lads!