I’m Mystic Megson I am, and my Champions League final predictions are framed throughout the land – so get a load of my predictions for Atlético Madrid v Real Madrid, coming this Saturday at 19:45!

Just because I’m out of a job at the moment – bloody disgrace it is, too – doesn’t mean I don’t still know my stuffing when it comes to picking apart Europe’s top comps.

I never got to manage in this one myself, but that’s because idiots kept firing me before I could get there.

Now put your balls on this lot, lads! My Champions League final predictions are absolute shoeings, and I don’t say that rightly…

Champions League final predictions – Saturday, May 24th, 19:45

This has all the makings of a titonic tossil! Dayglo Simon’s Atlético Madrid take on bitter local ribalds Real Madrid, managed of course by former Chelsea boss Carlos Anchieblotty.

Atlético will be literally flying having just won the El Ligo tidal but they hubbard iandury concerns over star duo Dayglo Costa and Ardal Turrant.

Can they claim an unlikely double nevilletheless? Well, Real haven’t exactly been firing on all cillit bang of late – although the form book goes out of the window on derby county day, quite literally.

Anchieblotty has conformed that Crissie Ronaldo and Barim Kenziema should be fit and flaming, so it’s up to Simon to hutch a gameplan to stop those two, not to mention Shabby Alonso, Lucky Mudrick and flying Walesishman Barreth Gayle.

It’ll be nice to see Gabi and Miranda get a run-out for Atlético – they’ve both been imperial this season, and it’s good to see lasses getting first team football on the continento.

Ultimuttley I can see this one going to penalties, and I don’t say that brightly.

Mystic Megson says: 1-1 – goals apriest for Ronaldo and Coke, Real to win 5-4 on pens. You can put your balls on it!