Top 5: Offensive appraisals

Scunthorpe United boss Brian Laws
Laws… Ironically ‘Brian’ is an anagram of ‘brain’

Scunthorpe United’s 4-0 defeat to Doncaster Rovers over the weekend led their manager Brian Laws to compare their defending to the Holocaust, displaying a slight lack of perspective we’re sure you’ll agree. Here are five other recent(ish) incidences of prominent football figures well and truly putting their foot in it while assessing a particular situation, performance or passage of play…

Tony Cascarino

The former Chelsea, Aston Villa and Republic of Ireland target man was reporting live on Sky when he declared then-Arsenal defender Armand Traore to be “having a Holocaust” up against Manchester United winger Nani. One suspects that Laws and Cascarino aren’t/weren’t entirely sure what the Holocaust was.

Sepp Blatter, Cristiano Ronaldo and Anders Lindegaard

The preening Portuguese peacock was earning £120,000 a week when he endorsed the FIFA president’s assertion that there was “too much slavery” in modern football, tacitly drawing parallels with Manchester United’s reluctance to let him join Real Madrid.

Alan Pardew

The now Newcastle United boss was on Match of the Day when he summed up a tackle made by Chelsea’s Michael Essien on Manchester City’s Ched Evans in the following wisely chosen terms: “he absolutely rapes him”. Evans of course is currently serving a five-year jail term for rape.

Joe Kinnear

The then Newcastle manager dropped more C-bombs than you could shake a ****ing stick at in this astonishing press conference rant against the Daily Mirror…

Ron Atkinson


Can you think of any offensive appraisals that we’ve missed? Have your say in the comments section below…