The best jokes as England win on penalties against Colombia in Round of 16

Nation celebrates the first England team to win a World Cup shootout.

Jordan Pickford will like these tweets and jokes as England beat Colombia on penalties having starred in the Round of 16 win at the World Cup in Russia
PARRIED A PENALTY: Pickford (Image: Кирилл Венедиктов)

England beat Colombia 4-3 on penalties after a 1-1 draw at the Spartak Stadium on Tuesday night in the last 16 of the World Cup in Russia.

In an epic but ill-tempered affair, Harry Kane put the country ahead from the penalty spot after he was dragged down in the area by Carlos Sánchez.

Yerry Mina scored for the third successive game to equalise in stoppage time, deflating the Three Lions with England’s Jordan Henderson the first to miss a penalty in the shootout.

Mateus Uribe then hit the bar for Colombia before Jordan Pickford saved from Carlos Bacca, paving the way for Eric Dier to score the winning spot-kick.

Gareth Southgate’s side become the first England team to win a penalty shootout at a World Cup finals.

On a memorable night for a relived nation full of unbridled joy, here are the best jokes after England beat Colombia on penalties in the Round of 16 at Russia 2018:

Can’t help but feel everything would be fine now if this fucking kid had written “2 goals” #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/h66YcuMjdr

— James Felton (@JimMFelton) July 3, 2018




Worst rollercoaster ever. 1/10 do not recommend #ENGCOL

— Ross Hornby (@Rossperu) July 3, 2018

Maybe those 3.2 million memes about Football Coming Home were slightly excessive after beating Tunisia and Panama. #ENGCOL

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) July 3, 2018


— Phil Wang (@PhilNWang) July 3, 2018

Who's at the door? #ENGCOL #ENG pic.twitter.com/y3lVGPFJrr

— ahmed (@ahmed_syed_01) July 3, 2018

You have to feel for Colombia, they can console themselves with the fact they have been beaten by the eventual World Cup winners. #ENGCOL

— Paddy Power (@paddypower) July 3, 2018

We are pleased to announce that football has resumed it's journey home, after a short delay at Penalty-Shootout #ENGCOL

— Trumpton (@Trump_ton) July 3, 2018

People in London are talking to strangers. Scenes #ENGCOL

— Sathnam Sanghera (@Sathnam) July 3, 2018


England won on penalties and almost immediately someone from the sports bar downstairs jumped into the canal.

He did a flip. #ENGCOL

— Sherlock Folmes (@Folmes) July 3, 2018

Harry, Barry, Larry, Garry and Robert. #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/KCePejp0L1

— Becca Lopez (@beccalopezz) July 3, 2018

You have to give credit to Colombia. Still having eleven players on the pitch at full-time was a remarkable achievement. #ENGCOL

— Ian Hyland (@HylandIan) July 3, 2018

Man across the road is rolling around his front lawn with his legs in the air #ENGCOL

— Helholds (@helholds) July 3, 2018

I think I just saw two builders snogging on Holloway Road. #ENGCOL

— Jen Brister (@JenBrister) July 3, 2018




Colombians crying tears that, if dehydrated, will be worth about $100 a gram on the international market…#ENGCOL

— Morgan Calton (@mccalton) July 3, 2018

I’ve already had dinner, but in honour of that England win, I’m going to do the most English thing possible – go out for a kebab. #ENGCOL

— Raz (@raztweets) July 3, 2018

I’m gonna start pre drinking tomorrow in preperation for Saturday #EngSwe #EngCol

— Ross Murray (@RosscoJammin) July 3, 2018



Stick that up your Pablo Escobarse #ENGCOL

— Conor McAlwane (@CMcalwane) July 3, 2018

Would love it if at #PMQs tomorrow every MP chosen for a question, regardless of party, stood up and said "can the Prime Minister tell the house whether it's coming home?" #ENGCOL

— Ben Harris (@btharris93) July 3, 2018

So England winning a penalty shootout at the World Cup, what are the other three signs of the Apocalypse?#ENGCOL

— Tony Cowards (@TonyCowards) July 3, 2018

We’re now watching the penalty shoot out that I couldn’t watch because I was hiding behind the kitchen cabinets. #ENGCOL

— Beth Rigby (@BethRigby) July 3, 2018

England squad tidy up changing room and leave a note after their dramatic Colombia win at the #WorldCup #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/9sM1cH1fqR

— Virgin Media (@virginmedia) July 3, 2018

I set up a website to pass on tips to England's right back about how to take penalties. Glad to see TrippierAdvisor paid off #ENGCOL

— Ian (@Pyfbrown) July 3, 2018


I know I've had a beer and it's all a bit emotional but I honestly feel like, if he asked, I'd genuinely lend Gareth Southgate my drill.#ENGCOL

— Phlegm Clandango (@Cain_Unable) July 3, 2018

“What happened dad?”

“It was the perfect storm son. England made the quarters. It landed on a Saturday afternoon. The sun was out. And everyone just got paid. No one stood a chance.” #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/Ek2SGjzvCa

— Arsene's Eyes (@Arsenes_Eyes) July 3, 2018

Legit just watched a guy run full speed, stark naked, carrying an England flag and a can of beer, shouting ‘f*ck off Shakiraaaaaaaaa’ in unbridled joy, straight into a hedge.

I feel you brother. #ENGCOL

— Marc Ozall (@marcozall) July 3, 2018

The Creation of Adam(n) good goalkeeper.#ENGCOL #ItsComingHome pic.twitter.com/ayxFXzSMVW

— Fiona Potigny (@fionapotigny) July 3, 2018

Sad to see Colombia exiting the tournament. Their sportsmanship and upholding the integrity, values and traditions of the game are a loss to the tournament. Said nobody who watched that match. #ENGCOL

— Jonathan Sargent (@JonathanSargent) July 3, 2018


All the dads sneaking online right now to buy a waistcoat. #ENGCOL

— Ian Hyland (@HylandIan) July 3, 2018



"England wins penalty shootout (no joke)" Headline on Germany's biggest news website @SPIEGELONLINE. #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/aKTVi6pAID

— Laura Moore (@alauraschneider) July 3, 2018

I was more nervous watching those penalties then watching Dec going solo on Takeaway for the first time #ENGCOL

— All Ant and Dec (@allantanddec) July 3, 2018

So……….. I may have kind of celebrated England winning the penalty shootout by accidentally elbowing my 71yo mother in the face…… sorry mum….. #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/KlB4BsASVT

— James Read (@JamesERead) July 3, 2018


Unfortunately we don’t have a BBC action line for those affected by England penalty shootouts, sorry. I suggest a lie down/beer. #ENGCOL

— BBC Comedy (@bbccomedy) July 3, 2018

taxi pls mate
yeah it’s for football
ta#ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/8lNKWn30fd

— ً (@XKierranFletch) July 3, 2018

World Cup organisers shocked as Maradona cleans up after Colombian fans #ENGCOL #ENG #worldcup #ENGvCOL

— Sir Stevo Timothy (@SirStevoTimothy) July 3, 2018

Colombians who live in a tower block near me were blowing horns non stop when they equalised. Here fucking quiet now. #ENGCOL

— Alex | #BlackLivesMatter (@alexsemanda) July 3, 2018

Before and after the Pickford save #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/R82nRbiXKX

— Sir John Soane's Museum (@SoaneMuseum) July 3, 2018

….. Hereby Knight the Sir Gareth Southgate. #ENGCOL #eng pic.twitter.com/7SwFn0g9Sq

— ⠥⠵⠵⠊ (@iceduzzi) July 3, 2018


RT this if you where alive when England won a penalty shootout #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/tSdsE0BmiO

— . (@JPNEFC) July 3, 2018



Facebook needs to add something so England fans can declare themselves safe from a cardiac arrest#ENGCOL#WorldCup

— Jamie (@_NUFCjamsterA_) July 3, 2018


Redemption! #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/XQVSXlG7cb

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) July 3, 2018


— Richard Main (@RPMain) July 3, 2018

The date is August 24th, 2018. It’s been 40 days since football came home. The Queen has given Sir Harry Kane the county of Dorset. Sterling’s column has been erected in Trafalgar Square. Gareth Southgate & Jordan Pickford are new hosts of The Great British Bake Off. #ENGCOL

— Channel 4 (@Channel4) July 3, 2018

He’s just saved England and all he’s worried about is if he’s left his car door open all game #ENGCOL #england pic.twitter.com/alKJWxYZ4O

— Lauren Parry (@l4ur3n_p4rry) July 3, 2018

We’re all out in the street driving up and down beeping our car horns

When I say we …I mean me

…and when I say street …I mean in the kitchen sat on my sons car tooting the horn as I do laps of the dining table#EngCol#WorldCup pic.twitter.com/t8s4wq4aXT

— Shop Steward (@UpTheWorkers) July 3, 2018

Me walking to my World Cup wall chart to write England down for the quarter final #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/Fw3hmzYYZl

— Em (@emilyroachy) July 3, 2018

I can’t speak for everyone but I forgive you #ENGCOL #Itscomminghome pic.twitter.com/VDGxSq9ToW

— Stuart Drake (@stuey_drake) July 3, 2018

Highlight of the match #ENGCOL pic.twitter.com/7iQINw3VBo

— Shibby (@PakisRights) July 3, 2018