South Wales’ premier rap troupe and former Newport County shirt sponsors Goldie Lookin Chain are back with their new album Blue Waffle (Google it at your peril) on October 17th, so Football Burp called up Rhys from the band to, you know, just say “hey, how’s it going?” while running a herbal bath and twiddling the telephone cord like a tress of hair…
Which team do you support?
I don’t really support a football team but I like laughing at Liverpool because Mike Balls and Adam Hussain from the band support them and they’re idiots. We’ve also got a dancer called Ross who’s really into Everton. Sometimes we call Mike Balls ‘Toffee Mike” just to wind him up. We’ll go on Twitter and write things like “my name is Mike Balls and my favourite team are Everton”.
You got in a spot of bother for dedicated “Your Missus is a Nutter” to Victoria Beckham before Wales vs England at the Millennium Stadium a few years ago. Were Mr and Mrs Beckham really as “furious” about it as they were reported as being at the time?
Oh, god. Dave Beckham’s well safe: he’s a funny guy and he ‘gets it’. He doesn’t get enough credit for that. The people behind his media machine want to represent him as something that he’s not. He’s just a dude. I mean, his first car was a Ford Escort that cost £600. He lived life the way most of us have. Unfortunately, he has loads and loads of money right now but, you know, he’s just a dude. The Welsh FA got really upset about it, but they’re idiots. They appointed John Toshack, for god’s sake.
Are there any power couples that you would like to upset? Perhaps you’d like to bring Jay-Z and Beyoncé down a peg or two?
No, I’ve got a lot of time for Jay-Z, and indeed anyone making hip hop who’s over the age of 50. There should be an over-50s hip hop tour where they all come out on Zimmer frames. It would be brilliant. If Biggie Smalls was still alive – which might be, who knows? – then he would need that cane now.
KRS-One always sounded like a cantankerous old man.
Yeah, he’s probably about sixty now.
Do you retain any interest in Newport County?
It’s not something that I actually got involved with myself. Some of the other boys got heavily involved with it but I do have a Newport County tracksuit and I have listened to some of their games on the internet. It’s not something that I’ve had the time to invest in, though. I’m a football supporter in that I support football but not a particular team.
Allow me to grant you free rein to generally slag off Liverpool and talk up Everton for a minute or two.
Well, I really can’t believe that Liverpool got Dalglish in after twenty years. They were looking for all these managers when, seemingly, the manager was just upstairs. How does that happen? “Who shall we get in?” “I know, let’s get Uncle Roy to do it – he seems good.” Benitez didn’t know what he was doing, before that they had old heart attack Houllier…
…and Kenny was just upstairs all the while. They spent £35 million on Andy Carroll, which is ridiculous. I’m sure he’ll come good in the end but for £35 million…I think it’s to do with these new rules about having a certain number of English players in your squad. They panicked, and now the prices for English players have gone through the roof. Manchester United have done very good business with English players but I think Liverpool might have gone a little bit over the top. Gerrard looks like he’s coming towards the end of his career, so I don’t know whether he’ll reach full fitness.
As for Everton, they looked like they were having a great game in the derby last week and obviously it was ruined for them. It’s not necessarily harder to play with ten men but, obviously, they made it look like it was harder to play with ten men.
Finally, if you had to select a five-a-side team comprised solely of members of Goldie Lookin Chain, who would you pick?
Billy Webb, Mike Balls, 2hats, Adam Hussain and Maggot in goal. I would be the manager.
Rhys, thank you.
Blue Waffle will be released on 17th October on 1983 Records. For more information and a list of live dates, including a 4th November show at Camden’s Electric Ballroom (click here to buy tickets), please visit www.youknowsit.co.uk