Hello everyone! I’m former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camera, and I’m a right nosy so-and-so.
All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out goal-scoring chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that saw me net 23 times in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…
Disclaimer: The views expressed by the following Twits do not necessarily reflect my own – signed Tweety Camera, formerly of Liverpool and West Ham United
Good morning all tweeple !
— Dion Dublin (@DionDublinsDube) August 19, 2012
LOL! Good morning, former Manchester United, Norwich City, Coventry City, Aston Villa, Cambridge United, Leicester City and Celtic centre-forward Dion Dublin! And indeed good morning to all of you – well, good afternoon at the time of writing. Don’t know about you but I’m feeling full of beans now the new season’s up and running. How am I looking, former Blackburn Rovers full-back and Everton physio Mick Rathbone?
looking good
— Mick Rathbone (@MickRathbone) August 22, 2012
Not so bad yourself, Mick. LOL! So any banter going on or what, people?
Any banter going on or what people
— Craig Gardner (@CraigGards8) August 20, 2012
Oi, Sunderland midfielder Craig Gardner, stop mimicking me! It stopped being funny weeks ago. Now seriously, what’s happening people? Any banter going on out there or what?
What’s happening people any banter going on out there or what haha
— Craig Gardner (@CraigGards8) August 27, 2012
LOL! Okay, now it’s funny again! Come on then, Craig – perhaps you’d like to set this week’s topic of discussion?
X factor or the voice people what yousprefer
— Craig Gardner (@CraigGards8) August 25, 2012
Well, Reading forward Jason Roberts?
Urrrrrrrrrzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…….
— Jason Roberts (@JasonRoberts30) August 22, 2012
We can come back to you on that. Swansea City striker Danny Graham, your opinion?
Man on Fire is one the best films I’ve seen !!!
— Danny Graham (@DannyGraham10) August 30, 2012
LOL! That’s not what Craig asked though, is it?
@dannygraham10 I second that mate. Mr Washington is an all time great— Joleon Lescott (@JoleonLescott) August 30, 2012
Now look here, Manchester City and England defender Joleon Lescott, I…
“
@joleonlescott:@dannygraham10 I second that mate. Mr Washington is an all time great” he’s the best mate— Danny Graham (@DannyGraham10) August 30, 2012
This is just plain unruly now. Jermaine Pedant, help!
@dannygraham10@joleonlescott and a lovely bloke *CLANG*— Max Rushden (@maxrushden) August 30, 2012
Here’s hoping the *CLANG* was the sound of the wheels falling off that particular conversation! LOL! Sorry, I’ve been hanging out with Neil Warnock too much. I think I’m getting a feel for his formula – for example, he might see this tweet from Manchester United starlet Phil Jones…
Omdyyzzz. Wigan only score bangers!
— Phil Jones (@Ph1lj0nes) August 28, 2012
…and follow it up with something about how Wigan’s famous for its pies rather than its bangers. LOLOL!! Obviously I need to think of some punchlines but I feel like I’m two-thirds of the way towards launching a stand-up career of my very own. In any case, if I can’t get to grips with Neil’s gag-craft then I could always rely on my amusing anecdotes. Anyone got any of their own?
Just spilt a 2 litre bottle of robinsons in the kitchen
#goneeverywhere#headloss— Tom Cleverley (@tomclevz23) August 28, 2012
LOLOLOL!!! I did similar with a bottle of Reggae Reggae Sauce the other week. And it was in a glass bottle so it smashed all over the place. It took me hours to clear all of that up.
Sorry, I mean: have you ever noticed how annoying it is to clear up the mess that results from dropping a bottle of Reggae Reggae Sauce onto a hard kitchen floor? Huh? What’s that all about?
Neil Warnock says: Keep trying, lad – yer not far off! Just ignore the peanut galleries and you’ll be just dandy.
LOL! Thanks Neil, I’ll keep putting the hours in. Good to get my first tumbleweed under the belt, too. What’s been tickling your ribs lately, readers?
Found this pic of
@jillscott12 made me laugh tryna do the@mo_farah celebration.. :) yfrog.com/o01muvfj— fara williams (@fara_williams47) August 20, 2012
LOL!
Just in from a busy day, been drilling all day & got the carpet burns to show 4 it! Chelsea v Reading been any good? twitter.com/chris_kammy/st…
— Chris Kamara (@chris_kammy) August 22, 2012
LOLOL!!
Thanks for all the messages of support. Gutted to be out for a while but my leg will be ok which is the main thing twitter.com/WayneRooney/st…
— Wayne Rooney (@WayneRooney) August 28, 2012
LOLOLOL!!! In a supportive way!
I want Richard Wrights agent
#bestintheworld— Kevin Horlock (@Kevinhorlock6) August 30, 2012
LOLOLOLOL!!!! This was retweeted by former Ipswich Town and Leicester City forward James Scowcroft, by the way. Perhaps Kevin, as a former City star himself, might be in with a chance of a phone call from Roberto Mancini!
No?
Found that Essex lion hiding in our wardrobe. Asked him what he was up to. He said ‘Narnia business’.
— Mark Robinson (@robboma3) August 28, 2012
LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! I found a lion hiding in my wardrobe once!
Have a nice day everyone!
— Gabriel Zakuani (@Gabs50Zakuani) August 20, 2012
And a lovely weekend! See you next week, readers!