Tweety Camera’s Twits of the Week: Owen, Altidore, Lansbury, Lineker, Kamara

Tweety Camera's Twits of the Week: Owen, Altidore, Lansbury, Lineker, KamaraHello everyone! I’m former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camera, and I’m a right nosy so-and-so.

All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out goal-scoring chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that saw me net 23 times in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…

Disclaimer: The views expressed by the following Twits do not necessarily reflect my own – signed Tweety Camera, formerly of Liverpool and West Ham United

Hello everyone! Have you been enjoying this supreme week of top-quality football? I know I have. My old Anfield teammate Michael Owen even got spruced up for the occasion…

Had a belting haircut earlier. Look 10 years younger now! Nice work @tomwright_ twitter.com/themichaelowen…

— michael owen (@themichaelowen) September 14, 2012

If you say so, Michael! LOL! I worked with you ten years ago and you were such a whipppersnapper back then. Me, I still look exactly the same, but that’s because I’ve always looked 45.

How big does that photo make my forehead look!!!! #wrongangle!

— michael owen (@themichaelowen) September 14, 2012

LOL! I started balding at the age of 7 so I’m all too sympathetic with your plight. What do you think of Michael’s new haircut, Joey?

@themichaelowen @tomwright_ same old shite that mate…

— Joseph Barton (@Joey7Barton) September 14, 2012

LOLOLOLOL!!!! I’ll tell you who’s got an interesting hairline – Arsenal’s new Spaniard, what’s his name?

Santi Cazorla.

— Jozy Altidore (@JozyAltidore) September 15, 2012

Yes, that’s him! Very severe hairline for someone so classy. Straight as an arrow, a bit like my famous winner at Highbury in 2000.

You know who pulls off the receding hairline with real panache?


— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) September 15, 2012

LOL! Is that what you’re calling him after his brace for Fulham against West Bromwich Albion in last Saturday’s Craven Cottage clash? Very clever as usual, Gary!

But yes, I was indeed going to nominate Dimitar Berbatov. He’s like an even sexier Niles Crane.

Don’t tell Mrs Camera I said that! LOL! Who’s the lucky lady on your arm, Kammy?

Just out with a Burke but not a bad Burke ha ha@alexandramusic twitter.com/chris_kammy/st…

— Chris Kamara (@chris_kammy) September 14, 2012

I won’t tell Mrs Kamara as long as you don’t LOLOLOLOLOL!!! Sorry, I’m so amused I couldn’t even finish that sentence. Fortunately I’ve not lost my sense of humour since taking up my official capacity as sports minister of my native Guinea. Sometimes people forget who they are after years in a particular industry, a bit like Telford United striker Darren Byfield…

@morrisonclinton when I ring u back,don’t txt me,it’s manners 2 ring back u fool

— darrenbyfield (@darrenbyfield) September 14, 2012

That’s not nice, Darren – Clinton just wants to be your friend. It can be very hurtful when you lash out like that – I remember Christian Dailly calling me a “pleb” because I rang his house gone midnight asking him how to make the perfect spag bol. He made such great spag bol, but that late-night broadside led to a falling-out which dictated that I never again got to taste his delicious meaty bol.

LOL! Didn’t mean for it to come out quite like that!

LOLOLOL!!! That neither! LOLOLOL!!! Hang on, Doncaster Rovers winger David Cotterill is on the line. Yes, David?

Does anyone else find people eating on their own in a restaurant really annoying??

— David cotterill (@cotterill_david) September 12, 2012

Don’t be so quick to judge, David – not everyone is good at…erm…what do you call it?…

Cooking!! #unbelievable

— Gerard Piqué (@3gerardpique) September 14, 2012

LOL! I see you share a catchphrase with Kammy – but was it an #unbelievable borne of fond joshing or genuine exasperation?

I’m forgetting words all over the place at the moment. Personally I blame the hash brownies. I keep seeing Mr Benn everywhere as well – very strange!

I swear i’ve just seen that Doyley scored. Gotta be a mistake… #watfordFC

— Richard Lee (@rleegk) September 15, 2012


I am so scared about not tipping enough I have decided just to leave a trail of dollar bills wherever I walk.

— Gabby Logan (@Gabby_Logan) September 15, 2012


@gabby_logan Can you walk past Festive Road Please !

— Mr Benn (@therealmrbenn) September 15, 2012


Who knows about these ? instagr.am/p/PpSV7kpnRN/

— Henri Lansbury (@Official_Henri) September 16, 2012

*Gasp!* I’ve got to get to the shop! Have a great weekend, everybody!


Tune in every Thursday for more from Football Burp’s very own Tweety Camera!