Tweety Camera’s Twits of the Week: Alves, Reid, Townsend, Ameobis, Lalas, Lansbury

Tweety Camera's Twits of the Week: Reid, Townsend, Ameobi, Lalas, Alves, LansburyHello everyone! I’m former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camera, and I’m a right nosy so-and-so.

All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out goal-scoring chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that saw me net 23 times in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…

Disclaimer: The views expressed by the following Twits do not necessarily reflect my own – signed Tweety Camera, formerly of Liverpool and West Ham United

Hello everyone, welcome to my twits of the week! Did you enjoy England v Ukraine the other night? I thought it was a great game between two top teams, but then not everyone takes football as seriously as Tottenham Hotspur starlet Andros Townsend and I do.

That last ukrainian sub looks like a 50 year old butcher!!

— andros townsend(@andros_townsend) September 11, 2012

LOL! I assume you’re talking about Serhiy Nazarenko. I think he’s quite dashing, myself – reminds me of a young me.

You know, I’m only 39, but people think I’m older. I think it must have something to do with my official capacity as Sports Minister of my native Guinea, what with the level of responsibility the role entails. People are always asking me things like “when were telephones invented?” and “what was the battle of Agincourt like?” I keep telling them, I barely even remember It’s a Knockout, although to be fair it wasn’t very popular in my native Guinea. A lot of people were frightened by the big foam characters.

I do know that Alexandar Graham Bell invented the telephone in the late 19th century, though. I imagine he must have felt a bit like I did after my famous winner at Highbury in 2000.

Who the hell invented? Rich Tea biscuits? Can’t even handle 1 dunk lol

— Gabriel Zakuani (@Gabs50Zakuani) September 6, 2012

Very funny, Peterborough United’s Congolese defender Gabriel Zakuani! LOL! I’m sure I’ve double-dunked a Rich Tea at some point in my life, but I’m more of a Chocolate Digestives man myself. Apologies if you were actually referring to Brighton and Hove Albion’s Lewis Dunk, or any of his family. Or perhaps you were trying to slam dunk the delicious treat and it crumbled on the hard floor?

Neil WarnockNeil Warnock says: Nice one, Tweety lad!

Eh? I guess I’m funny without realising it. LOLOLOL!!! You know who’s a funny guy? Former Manchester City and Sunderland manager Peter Reid.

“@james_wise85: @reid6peter What did u say to Michael Gray after his penalty miss in 1998 Playoff Final?”dam & blast Michael

— Peter Reid(@reid6peter) September 6, 2012

Damn and blast! LOLOLOLOL!!!! Drat and double drat, that’s what I always say!

Yes, Wacky Races was always very popular in my native Guinea. Stop the Pigeon less so, although it did attract quite a cult following.

Now, a lot of you have been writing in asking me to publish a selection of the best Scouse insults I heard during my Anfield days. I’m not given to swearing, myself, but have a look at this hashtag for one of my absolute favourites…

Not happy.. Just been getting ready 2 ride my bike 2 weights and noticed my bike had been stolen from the back garden #fuming #meffs

— fara williams (@fara_williams47) September 6, 2012

LOL! At “meffs”, that is, not the misfortune of Everton midfielder Fara Williams. Sorry, Fara.

Happier news from the Ameobi camp, though – Shola’s only gone and done it!

Sholas 1st hole-in-one #cute twitter.com/Sammy_Ameobi/s…

— Samuel Ameobi (@Sammy_Ameobi) September 12, 2012

I’ll never forget my first hole-in-one – I was 7 years old, and I wasn’t even playing golf at the time. I was just on the course getting my frisbee back and it took a deflection off me and flew in. The guy playing tried to claim it but his would never have scored.

Was Shola’s hole-in-one a good, clean strike, Sammy?

Hello? Oh well. I wonder what Alexi Lalas is up to.

Today at approx. 11:45 am ET I’ll be answering your questions about the universe and your place in it. There will be no charge.

— Alexi Lalas (@AlexiLalas) September 12, 2012


Yourself. It’s safer. #AskAlexi RT @_fancysauce Who should I play with on fifa 13?

— Alexi Lalas (@AlexiLalas) September 12, 2012

“Yourself, it’s safer” – LOLOLOLOL!!! LOLOL!! LOLOLOL!!!

Boogers. RT @yodanim Why did Clint Dempsey make that face last night? #AskAlexi

— Alexi Lalas (@AlexiLalas) September 12, 2012

I had that problem many times myself back in my Premier League heyday.

@footballburp David Luiz. #AskAlexi

— Alexi Lalas (@AlexiLalas) September 12, 2012



— Henri Lansbury (@Official_Henri) September 11, 2012


In studio Abu dhabi. Here we go. twitter.com/reid6peter/sta…

— Peter Reid(@reid6peter) September 12, 2012


I’m back to Barcelona now move the cuerpitcho lol lol

— Daniel Alves (@DaniAlvesD2) September 12, 2012


Good night x

— Robbie Savage (@RobbieSavage8) September 6, 2012

Good night, Robbie Savage! Good night, everybody!

Tune in every Thursday for more from Football Burp’s very own Tweety Camera!