Tweety Camera: Huckerby, Aguero, Etuhu, Ferdinand, Lansbury, Ameobi, Cole

Tweety Camera's Twits of the Week: Huckerby, Aguero, Etuhu, Ferdinand, Lansbury, Ameobi, ColeHello everyone! I’m former Liverpool and West Ham United forward Tweety Camera, and I’m a right nosy so-and-so.

All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out goal-scoring chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that saw me net 23 times in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…

Disclaimer: The views expressed by the following Twits do not necessarily reflect my own – signed Tweety Camera, formerly of Liverpool and West Ham United

LOL! Hello, Ryan, and indeed all of you. Boy, I sure miss the Olympics already. Anyone know when the new season begins?

Well, you were right at the time. LOL! The 2012-13 campaign is only a matter of hours away now – all the drama, all the scandal, oh I can’t wait! Manchester United defender Rio Ferdinand, can you think of a suitable opening question to get this week’s column up and running, so to speak?

That’s nice, thanks Rio. While you’re here, are you happy with the signing of Robin van Persie?


Oh well. I’ll open it to the floor: happy or frustrated?

LOL! That’s not what I meant.

Played any good practical jokes recently, former Norwich City forward Darren Huckerby?

LOLOLOLOL!!!! That reminds me of the time when Gerard Houllier told me I wouldn’t be playing in the final match of the season at Bradford City, even though the team hadn’t scored in five games and we needed a win to qualify for the Champions League. Except he did actually leave me out and we lost 1-0.

Erm…LOL! It’s enough to drive a man to drink!

Well, unless you’re Queens Park Rangers striker Djibril Cissé, that is. Or Manchester City star Sergio Aguero, who’s so sharp that he can still speak fluently in two different languages even when he’s speechless.

Show the people, Sergio!

I just tried doing that pose in front of the missus, slid into the kitchen on my knees, ended up doing my back and both knees in. Thanks a lot, Djibril.

LOL! Better call an ambulance! Anyone got any hypothetical Olympic events for me to fantasise about while I wait?

Thanks for the suggestion, Leicester City defender Zak Whitbread, but I don’t think it would be much of a contest, personally. Bolt racing a horse could be interesting, don’t get me wrong, but I think Southall would struggle to keep up. Just my opinion, of course, I accept I could be wrong.

Can anyone else smell gas? I smell gas. What should I do?

LOL! Are you trying to get me killed, former Everton midfielder and Sunderland manager Peter Reid? I can’t believe you’d try something like this so soon after telling Blackburn Rovers new boy Dickson Etuhu that making toast in the bath is “dead boss”.

LOLOLOL!!! Thank goodness for that! LOLOLOL!!!

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!! You tell ’em, Tottenham Hotspur youngster Johnny!

Okay, sorry Manchester City youngster Devante Cole, son of erstwhile Premier League hit-man Andrew. I guess I was getting a little over-excited.

LOL! Have a good day, everybody!

Tune in every Thursday for more from Football Burp’s very own Tweety Camera!