All day every day, you can be sure that I’ll be scouring Twitter, sniffing out the very best of my fellow professionals’ musings like I used to sniff out goal-scoring chances, and presenting them for your delectation with the kind of ruthless efficiency that saw me net 23 times in 38 games for my native Guinea. I do so hope that you enjoy this week’s selections…
Tweety Camara’s Twits of the Week
— Robbie Savage (@RobbieSavage8) November 11, 2012
LOL! Thanks, Robbie!
And hello everyone else! I trust you are all well? I was happy to see that nice man getting reelected as President of the United States…ah, what’s his name?…
— ravelmorrison23 (@morrisonravel) November 7, 2012
— Nile ranger (@NilePowerRanger) November 7, 2012
Congratulation to Obama … I wish him Good luck
— Youssouf Mulumbu (@mulumbuofficial) November 7, 2012
LOL! Thanks, guys! Good to see it’s confirmed, anyway. That other chap gave me the creeps.
Of course it’s not confirmed!! It’s exit polling for christsake!! It’s a pattern of voting.
— Rodney Marsh (@RodneyMarsh10) November 6, 2012
Oops, sorry Rodney. I must admit to taking my finger off the political pulse somewhat ever since I was replaced as Sports Minister of my native Guinea. It was a disappointing decision, but I’m happy with what I achieved during my 21 months in office, and I always approached the role with all the honesty and integrity of Sky Sports lynchpin Gary Neville.
— G.Neville (@GNev2) November 9, 2012
LOL! You’re a modern-day George Washington, Gary! Am I right in assuming that particular brand of frozen food to have been a childhood favourite of you both? I used to get Kellogg’s variety packs shipped over during my Liverpool days, at least until Karl-Heinz Riedle pointed out that I could get them in my local Tesco. I tried explaining that the variety packs over here had phased out Start, my favourite, and to this day still a key component of variety packs back in my native Guinea.
Like I said, the British variety packs had by then phased out Start in favour of Corn Pops, but when I tried explaining this to Karl-Heinz he just shook his head and called me a “dipstick”. Frode Kippe laughed so hard that he snotted all over Sami Hyypiä’s boots, which was the beginning of the end for him in Gerard Houllier’s eyes.
The shame I felt from this whole episode led me to switch to granola, and that was the beginning of the end for me. By the time I was at West Ham I was starting the day with black pudding and hash browns. I never stood a chance.
What’s wrong, George?
#Nufc giving the ball away a tad too often in their own half for the comfort of the pissed bloke next to me.
— George Caulkin (@CaulkinTheTimes) November 8, 2012
I feel your pain, George – I used to room with John Moncur during my West Ham days, and while he wasn’t always drunk he was a merciless mickey-taker. He once tipped a bucket of mince over me as I slept, called everyone else into the room to come and see what he’d done, then stood there pointing and laughing while saying, “Look, it’s Meaty Camara!” over and over. I’ll admit that one was pretty funny, even if I spent the next week swatting off buzzards, but I still maintain that Tomas Repka was way over the line when he covered me in treacle and pick ‘n’ mix, then stood around beckoning and shouting, “Look, it’s Sweety Camara!”
Just before Halloween, too. What a nightmare.
It just goes to show that you can’t always choose the people in your life at any given moment. Right, Leon McKenzie?
So many other seats on this train and yet this smelly bunch have to come sit right next to me. #Don‘tDoThat!
— BIG McK (@LeonMckenzie1) November 6, 2012
LOL! See? Smart move taking the train, though – it’s chaos on the roads.
The traffic im having to endure right now, just to buy a single lemon is ridiculous!!
— Marvin Sordell (@MarvinSordell) November 11, 2012
I’m totally without citrus fruit here, Marvin, and there’s a six-pack of Corona sitting in the fridge. This makes me a sad, sad Tweety. Can someone try cheering me up?
Oh, hello Watford starlet Bernard Mensah! What’s that you’ve got there?
— Bernard Mensah (@Mensah_10) November 7, 2012
LOL! What kind of banter?
This veteran attempting to swim! Absolute Banter!!
— Bernard Mensah (@Mensah_10) November 11, 2012
Hmmm…no, that’s not working. David Villa, can you cheer me up?
— David Villa (@Guaje7Villa) November 7, 2012
That’s nice of you to try, David, but you haven’t included the snack in the photo so I’m still a sad, sad Tweety. Rodney, can you help?
Facts that make me laugh No1: Every 7 minutes someone in a gym injures a muscle…
— Rodney Marsh (@RodneyMarsh10) November 9, 2012
No, that just makes me even sadder. How about something along the lines of Sunderland players betting whether or not Celtic would beat Barcelona in the Champions League?
— DM (@DavidMeyler) November 7, 2012
LOL! Yes, that’s perfect! LOLOLOL!!!
Thanks, guys – I’ve got my mojo back now! Is Merse still on the fruit and yoghurt, Matt?
Heres what youve all been waiting for twitter.com/mattletiss7/st…
— Matt Le Tissier (@mattletiss7) November 10, 2012
LOL! That lasted long! How’s the trip going, Rio?
Either the cows in Portugal are throwing out some mad smelling poo….or someone on this coach has let off!! #HenchStench
— Rio Ferdinand (@rioferdy5) November 6, 2012
LOLOLOL!!! Oh, Rio, that’s too LOLOLOL!!! Sorry, I’m laughing so hard I can’t even finish my LOLOLOLOLOL!!!!
— Noel hunt (@boyhunt) November 8, 2012
Looking good, guys! I’m trying to cultivate a moustache that looks like a mirror image of my eyebrows, but it’s not going so well.
I love ‘hirsute footballer’-related humour.
Phil Jones & Fellaini. twitter.com/FootballFunnys…
— Sport Jokes (@FootballFunnys) November 6, 2012
Yes, that’s perfect! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!
Have a great weekend, everyone!