Welcome to Tweets of the Weekend, conjuring up some of our favourite football tweets from this weekend just gone.
This week featuring the Manchester United crisis, disappointment for a Dalglish, short stories, jokes, Lord Sugar and much, much more.
Oh my! What a set of Tweets of the Weekend you have. Time to start reading…
Story of the Weekend
Starring former Charlton striker, Chelsea and West Ham youngster Tosan Popo
So last night two girls came up to me and my boys asking us to buy them two buckets of beer…
— TIM (@TimMenace) January 19, 2014
The way they were touching and tryna hold on to us cos there was a prospect of them getting free drinks was unbelievable
— TIM (@TimMenace) January 19, 2014
One of the chicks even told me and my pal that her friend would give us head if we got them a bucket of beer which cost 5 bucks… lol
— TIM (@TimMenace) January 19, 2014
At this point I knew we couldn't leave these girls without a drink, it had to be done
— TIM (@TimMenace) January 19, 2014
So I made my way to the bar whilst @tosan26 was being man marked by one of the girls #touchtight
— TIM (@TimMenace) January 19, 2014
I then asked the bartender for two buckets… of tap water with some ice. These thirsty bitches needed some #thirsty
— TIM (@TimMenace) January 19, 2014
When we passed the first drink on, her eyes lit up, she took a sip, then another and finally realized it was water not beer loll
— TIM (@TimMenace) January 19, 2014
"Hey, its water, you got a bucket of water" "yeah that's on me you thirsty slut, enjoy" loool
— TIM (@TimMenace) January 19, 2014
This was me at the bar trying to keep composure as I handed that thirsty chick a bucket of ice water pic.twitter.com/yrDThzNSdE
— Tosan Popo (@tosan26) January 19, 2014
Getting 2 chicks 2 buckets of ice water for banter when they came straight up to us and demanded a beer bucket #TearsAtTheBar #Thirsty
— Tosan Popo (@tosan26) January 19, 2014
POWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! of the Weekend
Jordan Stewart, formerly of Leicester City and Watford but now at San Jose Earthquakes, admires Chelsea’s second goal
POWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! Eto'o jus come out the dentist #Brace
— Jordan Stewart (@jordanstewart3) January 19, 2014
Crisis of the Weekend
Match of the Day host Gary Lineker sees the symbolism at Stamford Bridge
Crisis at Stamford Bridge as the chair of @LeeDixon2 falls apart like United's title hopes. pic.twitter.com/rjjLhmgrXA
— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) January 19, 2014
Childhood Disappointment of the Weekend
For Kenny Dalglish’s grandson, son of Real Salt Lake assistant coach, former Newcastle, Norwich, Wigan and Blackpool forward Paul Dalglish
My little boy thinks he's watching Spider-Man. Haven't got the heart to tell him it's a fake called Sky man. pic.twitter.com/9oS35YIefJ
— Paul Dalglish (@pauldalglish) January 19, 2014
My little boy just realized it wasn't Spider-Man. pic.twitter.com/E4XO88NW2r
— Paul Dalglish (@pauldalglish) January 19, 2014
Name & Shame of the Weekend
The Apprentice star and former Spurs chairman Lord Sugar laughs at the names of his abusers
..@leon_burke RT: you boring old man……..I am boring and your name is BURKE ha hah made my day.
— Lord Sugar (@Lord_Sugar) January 17, 2014
..@tobypratt RT: trying be funny insightful,clever.? You were none of these things ….You criticise me and your name is PRATT hah too funny
— Lord Sugar (@Lord_Sugar) January 17, 2014
The Monkees Joke of the Weekend
Cracked by Whitby Town captain Mark Robinson
I thought my wife was joking when she said she wanted to go to a Monkees' concert in Switzerland.
Then I saw her face,now I'm in Geneva.
— Mark Robinson (@robboma3) January 17, 2014
Story of the Weekend II
Spurs youngster Ollie Modeste witnesses an affair
So I witnessed an affair take place and I scream I'm a tell your wife, he drives off with pace!
— OllieModeste (@Ollie_Modeste) January 18, 2014
Happy Goalkeeper of the Weekend
Bury goalkeeper Brian Jensen as his side hold Burton to a goalless draw
I think @jensen_com of @buryfcofficial was happy with todays result pic.twitter.com/hxK7GRMweh
— James Williamson (@Jamesaw1984) January 18, 2014
Ledge Tea of the Weekend
It’s Chocolate Weetabix for Oxford United striker James Constable
My Chocolate Weetabix for tea were ledge, but what i would do for an 'In N Out Burger' right now! Just seen a picture on Instagram!
— James Constable (@JamesConstable9) January 18, 2014
Ledge Tea of the Weekend II
… but Ryvita and rice crackers for Burp favourite Hayley McQueen
My Sat night is getting more exciting by the minute, tucked into a single ryvita accompanied by rice cracker…1 of each 2 mix it up a bit
— Hayley McQueen (@HayleyMcQueen) January 18, 2014
Birthday Cake of the Weekend
Manchester City defender Pablo Zabaleta’s birthday cake (see past years’ cakes if interested)
Celebrando el 29 cumpleaños con nuestro amigo @pablo_zabaleta! / Celebrating the 29th birthday of @pablo_zabaleta! pic.twitter.com/HecmvnF2Rm
— Clara García (@ClaraGarciaT) January 19, 2014
And finally… Story of the Weekend III
Spotted by Millwall midfielder Richard Chaplow
#smirk pic.twitter.com/aAXzP9Hm2s
— Richard chaplow (@Rchap04) January 19, 2014