Neil Warnock’s Comedy Corner: Konchesky, Marsh, Boateng, Puyol, Routledge

Neil Warnock“Ladies and gentlemen, please give it up for a man who needs no introduction – unless you haven’t heard of him, in which case he’s an old-school stand-up comedian who manages Leeds United in his spare time – it’s…

…Neil Warnock, and his Comedy Corner!”

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! Has everyone washed behind their ears? I know I haven’t!

Okay, ladies and gents, settle down. Have we got a show and a half for you this week – we’ve got an Arsenal starlet falling victim to NHS cuts…

Legs are gone !

— Chuba Akpom (@Chuba10) November 6, 2012

…a Leicester City full-back in dire need of a thesaurus…

Jus left the ground! Great team performance, and a great away point! Great to see a great following as per usual #LCFCFAMILY

— Paul konchesky (@konch3) November 6, 2012

…a former US international turned fence-sitting weatherman…

50/50 that it’s a good morning.

— Alexi Lalas (@AlexiLalas) November 7, 2012

…the world’s vaguest rage…

People know how to piss me off…

— Wayne Routledge (@WayneRoutledge) November 7, 2012

…the world’s lamest (sorry, Chuba lad) Q&A…

“@mikewebster28: @paulmcgrath5 paul describe gazza as a footballer in one word!”gazza?

— Paul McGrath(@Paulmcgrath5) November 8, 2012

…and a former Queens Park Rangers, Fulham and Manchester City striker on what he got up to this weekend…

Suddenly we hear the sirens and everyone started to run…….

— Rodney Marsh (@RodneyMarsh10) November 11, 2012

‘Ere, Rodney lad, I could use a good chuckle after seeing my lads go down 6-1 to Watford at Elland Road on Saturday – tell us a joke, will yer?

How many #Wigan fans does it take to change a lightbulb?

— Rodney Marsh (@RodneyMarsh10) November 6, 2012

I think I’ve heard this one. Is it the same number as their average attendance? Nyuk nyuk nyuk! Tell us another, Rodney lad.

What did one racist say to the other racist?

— Rodney Marsh (@RodneyMarsh10) November 11, 2012

Easy, this: “I’m sorry, John, I didn’t mean to injure you.”

Thank you, folks, too kind. Cheers, Rodders!

Would anyone like my prediction for Man City game?

— Rodney Marsh (@RodneyMarsh10) November 6, 2012

No, lad.

Nyuk nyuk nyuk!

In the Norwegian League I’m going Sardines to win 2-1…

— Rodney Marsh (@RodneyMarsh10) November 7, 2012

Sardines? Well oil be damned!

Er…moving swiftly on, can any talented yet troubled youngsters tell me who won the US Presidential elections?


— ravelmorrison23 (@morrisonravel) November 7, 2012

Barack Obama!!!

— Nile ranger (@NilePowerRanger) November 7, 2012

Nyuk nyuk nyuk! You’re a right pair, you two, but it’s good to see today’s youth with their finger on the pulse. Everton’s Luke Garbutt can always be relied upon for cutting-edge political commentary – what are your thoughts, Luke lad?

Geordie shore time #boom

— Luke Garbutt (@luke_garbutt) November 6, 2012

‘Ere, Luke lad – “boom” is exactly how I’d like to see that show end!

Thank you, thank you. A lot of young ‘uns in the audience, I see – what was your highlight of the weekend, Manchester City’s Reece Wabara?

Torres meg #damnnnnnson

— Reece Wabara (@ReeceWabara) November 11, 2012

‘Ere, Reece lad – I reckon it were right jammy!

Er…you know, like damson jam. “Damn son.” Jammy as in ‘lucky’.



Hmmm. The wife laughed her curlers right out at that one. No accounting for taste, eh? Let’s hear from some of the older folks in the audience. Yes, former Coventry City, Aston Villa and Middlesbrough midfielder George Boateng?

Can someone tell me where I can watch Nottingham Forest vs Middlesbrough online tonight #Biggame

— George Boateng(@george1boateng) November 6, 2012

‘Ere, George lad – try www.couldntgiveamonkeys.com! Nyuk nyuk nyuk!

Oh, come on – stop being so sensitive, you lot. What do you reckon to this lot, Rodders?

There are now 19 women in the Senate…

— Rodney Marsh (@RodneyMarsh10) November 7, 2012

‘Ere, Rodders – I’ll pick up some gin and see you down there!

What’s wrong with you lot? It’s all a bit of fun, us old-school comedian types don’t mean any harm with our casual misogyny. Just check out this Hull City striker…

#imsickof Girls who sleep around and think that by saying “YOLO” it makes it ok… NO!!! Your a Slut!!! No YOLO about it!!!

— Aaron Mclean (@A9Mac) November 7, 2012

You tell ’em, laddy!

El destino es el destino…

— Carles Puyol(@Carles5puyol) November 7, 2012

Well, that seems as good a note as any to end on. Nyuk nyuk nyuk! See you next time, ladies and gents!

Oh, bore off.

Tune in every Tuesday for more Neil Warnock’s Comedy Corner!