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Jonny Forumer: Fulham 2-1 Stoke

Jonny Forumer: Fulham 2-1 Stoke City

Fulham

So I was at Cottage Corner, right, and I heard Realistic say something like: “If Jol had taken off Murphy or Ruiz a bit earlier and put on Etuhu as we were all screaming out it may have saved the goal that we all knew was coming, but tactics do not seem to be Jol’s strong point. Still we got there in the end with Dembele and Hangeland having very good games.” That Realistic, eh? What a character!

So then AnthonyAttacks stands up and is all like: “I agree with most of your post. Good debut buy Pogrebnyak, was impressed with what I saw. I really hope his injury isn’t too serious, it didn’t look serious but you never know.”

However, the high degree of earnestness that had built up in the room was well and truly dismantled by OrganicWhite’s addressing of the OP with: “Ha ha…’as we were all screamin out’ …oh very good. Not bad for someone who’s never even been.

“But, seriously would you be the most boring bloke in a pub which everyone except the other most boring bloke in a pub should avoid? If so let me know what pubs you go to. Always good for a laugh it still pleases me that most readers of this forum realise that you are nothing like ‘the expert’ you try to pretend.”

To which everyone was all like “Ooooooooooooohhh nooooooooo”, “Merked, bruv!” and various other assorted fire-stokers.

I fled.

***

Before I knew it I was at Friends of Fulham, where the esteemed Moussa Dembele had moved The Swan to announce, at first somberly: “I know that [Jimmy] Bullard didn’t leave us on the best of terms, but when he played for us he was outstanding. We have never replaced his type of play.”

He then suddenly perked up, clicked his heels and crowed: “Well following Dembele’s excellent performance against Stoke I feel that we now have a new Bullard. His all round play was outstanding, skill on and off the ball was brilliant, his work rate was second to none. Dembele must play in this role in every game for the rest of the season.”

He added: “Also well done the Pog.”

Fletchino – and get this – I’m telling you, he’s just mad – no, seriously – exhorts: “Riise had his best game in a Fulham shirt, Dembele dominated midfield and what a start for the Pog.

“But for me, hanging on for most of the second half, Duff was our only outlet- he always looked dangerous helped out at the back well, and gave us some breathing space and made sure we hung on to the 3 points.”

Jonny Forumer: Fulham 2-1 Stoke City says: And totally.

Pavel Pogrebniak scored on his Fulham debut against Stoke City at Craven Cottage.
Pogrebniak... Did stuff (Img: Alexei Yakovlev)

 

Stoke City

Did you hear what happened down the Oatcake? davejohnno1 completely lost it, right, saying [profanities replaced with Burp-approved substitutes]: “I’m done with this twaddle! Call it over reaction, call me a rotter, tell me to hotfoot it off up the Vale, but watching us turn up for 20 minutes today is the final straw! Pulis is a stubborn so-and-so and watching this shit doesn’t feel any different to watching the team we had under Brian Little.”

After a few people went “Ooohhh nooo, blud…”, davejohnno1 dusted himself down and continued: “Twaddle is twaddle, no matter how you dress it up! To watch us have a go against a shit team for only 20 minutes is soul destroying!”

He added: “Pulis Out!”

RAF then slammed down his espresso in a ‘that’s right, I’ve had it’ sort of way, but composed his temper sufficiently to utter: “13th in league. 5th round of the FA Cup. Valencia in the Europa Cup.

“Look where we have come from, only Pulis could have got us here, no other manager could have done it, look at Charlton, if we got rid of Pulis we would get relegated.”

Jonny Forumer: Fulham 2-1 Stoke City says: Wwwwwuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

 

***

Over at Potters Online, Shawn blinked sleepily and warbled ever so matter-of-factly: “Tell me I’m a moaning fart if you like but I’m really struggling to see where our next wins going to come from. We look totally inept going forward, our usual sturdy defence is leaking goals like its never done before, we’re playing players out of position, players that are well overdue a rest and leaving our better players on the bench.

“We’ve been found out tactically and we have no plan B. TP is as stubborn as ever and it’s costing us points. We are by no means safe yet and the games against Swansea and Norwich are now huge games.

“TP needs to get his head out of his arse and pick the strongest team from the start of a game, not leave it until 60+ mins and us being 2-0 down. Crouch and Jones up front ! Come on even I know that’s not going to work.

“Always been a TP fan but he’s starting to grate on me and the football we are being served up is dross, we’ve spent some serious cash in the last 4 years yet we still can’t pass a ball, rely on a hoof up to a big man and have players out of position all over the park.

“Rant over, goodnight.”

He then switched off the light and fell asleep on the spot.

mattwm then put a beat on, cupped his hand over his mouth and rapped: “I’ve never contemplated this before, but what is keeping Tony in employment right now?

“We’ve had these dips in form before, but there’s usually been some light at the end of the tunnel – a transfer window or a player returning is usually enough to spur us on. This time there isn’t that.

“If this were any other team, I would be saying the only thing keeping the manager at the club is the Europa League campaign, and the potential of an FA Cup run.”

Shawn snored.