Jermaine Pedant

Jermaine Pedant: Aguero, Kaboul, Archer, Davis, Wabara

Jermaine PedantFootball Burp’s very own Jermaine Pedant enjoys nothing more than strolling back and forth in his professor’s gown, casting scholarly gazes over his fellow professionals’ online scribblings. Each week, he homes in on a few choice instances of common grammatical failings and raps on them repeatedly with his disciplinary cane until we’ve all jolly well learnt to treat the Queen and her English with the utmost respect. Read on for this week’s lessons…

David Davis

The Wolverhampton Wanderers youngster was giving, well, a bit of lip to Solihull Moors journeyman Darren Byfield…

@darrenbyfield i used to think u had senior banter yano #lostit! ys ur lip touching your chin tho? #doesyourliphanglowdoesitwabbletotheflow

— David Davis (@DavidDavis91) April 3, 2012

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says: I’ll allow “ys”, “ur” and “tho” to slide for now – although I haven’t given up the fight, nosiree – but I must take issue with your spelling of the word ‘wobble’. Two possible reasons for your confusion spring readily to mind: one being that you were led astray by the spelling and pronunciation of the word ‘squabble’, the other being that you were similarly misled by the name Waddle.

Now, since us football types have so many other words for ‘squabble’ (eg. ‘clash’, ‘spat’, ‘melee’, ‘skirmish’, ‘kerfuffle’, ‘twenty-two-man brawl’ etc), I am inclined to believe that you have allowed the name of an eminent football personality to affect your pronunciation of a reasonably common word. Would you pronounce ‘hen’ as ‘on’, or ‘clean’ as ‘clane’? Would you raspberries.

Younes Kaboul

The Tottenham Hotspur defender broke his public transport duck…

Had my first trip to central on the tube after 5 years!Was a good fun to be fair!

— Younes Kaboul (@YounsKabs4) April 4, 2012

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says: It might have been “a good fun (sic)”, Younes, but was it an educational experience? Eh? Sorry, I’ve been feeling rather cranky since Saturday’s 2-0 defeat at Wigan Athletic left us languishing in 13th, so I might not be my usual jovial self this week.

Jordan Archer

The young Tottenham Hotspur goalkeeper was angling for gifts…

Birthday next week..! What’s everyone getting me..

— Jordan Archer ? (@Jordan_Archer) April 4, 2012

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says: A question mark.

Sergio Aguero

Manchester City’s Argentinian forward was keen to quash rumours linking him with Real Madrid…

I wasn’t able to speak earlier because a lot of unfunded rumours were published, and there were simply too many to disprove.

— Sergio Aguero (@aguerosergiokun) April 4, 2012

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says: Well, that must be the only thing at City that’s unfunded! Chortle. Okay, I’m feeling chipper again.

Reece Wabara

The City youngster was casting aspersions on the world around him…

I hate doubting people authenticity but its something I find myself doing frequently.. #fewarereal

— Reece Wabara (@ReeceWabara) April 4, 2012

Jermaine PedantJermaine Pedant says: I hate correcting people’s grammar but it’s something I find myself doing frequently.

Only joking, Reece; I love it really! Now, I must dash, lest Tony Pulis have my guts for garters over missing set piece practice for Saturday’s game against Wolverhampton Wanderers. Since I’m taking the set pieces, I probably ought to be there.

Class dismissed!

Tune in every Wednesday for more from Football Burp’s very own Jermaine Pedant!