Neil Warnock's Comedy Corner!

It’s Neil Warnock’s Comedy Corner!

Neil Warnock's comedy corner

A lot of people have been saying that Chelsea will struggle to beat Bayern Munich in the Champions League final without the services of their suspended captain John Terry, but I don’t think they need him.

At least not as much as he kneed Alexis Sanchez, anyway! Am I right, folks?

Thank you, thank you! But seriously lads, Terry’s not the only one who looks set to miss out – Ramires, Branislav Ivanovic and Raul Meireles copped suspension-activating bookings in that amazing draw at Barcelona the other night, likewise Bayern’s Luiz Gustavo, David Alaba and Holger Badstuber against Real Madrid. Apparently the international players’ union FIFPro have issued a plea for clemency, pointing out that Uefa will adopt Fifa’s policy for Euro 2012 where existing yellow cards are waived after the quarter-finals. All sounds fair enough to me, but…

…why are they issuing a plea for Clemency? After all, Cechy and Neuery are okay to play. I’d be issuing a plea for Hanseny or Sounessy if I were them!

You’re too kind folks, too kind. Another lad who’ll definitely be missing out on a cup final appearance is Liverpool midfielder Charlie Adam, whose knee injury has ruled him out of the Reds’ forthcoming Wembley show-piece against Chelsea.

However, his Carling Cup final penalty against Cardiff City is still expected to make an appearance having completed its orbit of the Earth! Sorry Charlie, all’s fair in football and war.

Thank you, thank you. Wasn’t sure how that one would fly, so to speak! So Norwich City came down like a ton of bricks on 17-year-old fan Chris Brown for leaking images of their new kit on the internet twelve hours before its official launch.

Have you seen the kit? Looks like someone’s taken a leak all over it, never mind leaked it! And who knew Chris Brown supported the Canaries? Here’s hoping their recent success under Paul Lambert will persuade him to take it a little easier on the missus in future, am I right lads?

Okay ladies and gentlemen, settle down. Now, I see that Sheffield United striker **** ***** is in a spot of bother for ******* ****** ************** with *******, not to mention the ******* of ******* **** and *****.

****** ************ **** ******! Am I right, ****s?

Cheers lads, you’ve been wonderful. Before I go, is anyone else getting annoyed by Robbie Savage popping up absolutely bloody everywhere at the moment? He’s not even a good pundit, just says what’s happening without offering any kind of insight whatsoever.

There’s no punchline for this one, lads! Haha! Enjoy this weekend’s footy and catch you all on the flip side. I’ve been Neil Warnock, you’ve been marvellous.