You want our Football Tweets of the Weekend, don’t you? Don’t you? So you can guffaw heartily while masticating your breakfast cereal, spraying bits of it at the screen like the disgusting creep that you are.
Well, here you are, you filthy animal…
Amicable Resolution of the Weekend
Luis Suarez, Liverpool
I’ve just spoken to Ivanovic on the phone and I could apologise directly to him. Thanks for accepting.
— Luis Suarez (@luis16suarez) April 21, 2013
Turn of Phrase of the Weekend
Richard Edghill, ex-Manchester City
You wouldn’t want to get bitten by Suarez,he could eat an apple through a tennis racquet!!
— Richard Edghill (@RichardEdghill1) April 21, 2013
Expert on the Subject of the Weekend
Joey Barton, Olympique de Marseille
He has came out and apologised. He’ll probably get a ban. He’ll no doubt be fined by the club. He is a human who has made a mistake?
— Joseph Barton (@Joey7Barton) April 21, 2013
Human Who Made a Mistake of the Weekend
Giles Coke, Sheffield Wednesday
Sorry for swearing on the radio, didn’t mean to offend anyone. #forgotiwaslive
— Giles Coke (@RealCokes) April 20, 2013
Observation of the Weekend
Mark Robinson, Whitby Town
Hahaha! Mike Tyson follows #Suarez twitter.com/robboma3/statu…
— Mark Robinson (@robboma3) April 21, 2013
Arf! of the Weekend
Matt Le Tissier, ex-Southampton
“@jakkyboy10: @mattletiss7 Worst thing you’ve seen on a football pitch ??”Carlton palmers 1st touch
— Matt Le Tissier (@mattletiss7) April 21, 2013
Arf! of the Weekend II
This guy
Blog: Jean-Marc Bosman sentenced to 1 year in prison for assaulting ex-girlfriend…and €275 fine101greatgoals.com/blog/jean-marc…
— 101 Great Goals (@101greatgoals) April 19, 2013
@101greatgoals can he negotiate with other prisons when he reaches the last 12 months of his sentence?
— boris (@Paulmorris39) April 19, 2013
“A Funny Thing Happened on the Way Home…” of the Weekend
Lewis Kinsella, Aston Villa
Lost 2-0 to Fulham on way home nowoff To see nan and grandad :)
— Lewis Kinsella (@Lewis_kinsella) April 21, 2013
Be safe, readers: next time you’re on the way home, try not to lose 2-0 to Fulham.
Hand Gestures of the Weekend
Tottenham Hotspur
For my 200s game today was COOL great atmosphere (merci supporter) great game merci my team!!! Proud to b a spurs man twitter.com/AssouEkotto/st…
— Benoit Assou-Ekotto (@AssouEkotto) April 21, 2013
Wild Celebrations of the Weekend
Celtic
Glasgow celtic champions. twitter.com/HOOP588/status…
— Gary Hooper (@HOOP588) April 21, 2013
Lookalike of the Weekend
Piers Morgan/Mrs Doubtfire, as proffered by Manchester United’s Rio Ferdinand
It’s not over until the fat lady sings….and @piersmorgan aka #MrsDoubtfire hasn’t started yet!
— Rio Ferdinand (@rioferdy5) April 21, 2013
Love Thy Neighbour of the Weekend
Brian Greenhoff, ex-Manchester United
Have I missed anything this afternoon .Ho I believe the Brian Kidd blue bastards have lost . Tough shit.
— Brian Greenhoff (@hoffgreen) April 21, 2013
Bitch of the Weekend
Rio Ferdinand, Manchester United
Now for Juve vs Milan…..what stands out most of all to start with is the amount of woeful haircuts on show in this game!
— Rio Ferdinand (@rioferdy5) April 21, 2013
Panto of the Weekend
Kenny Dalglish, ex-Liverpool and Graeme Le Saux, ex-Chelsea
Liverpool will win.
— Kenneth Dalglish (@kennethdalglish) April 21, 2013
@kennethdalglish No they won’t! : )
— Graeme le Saux (@graemelesaux14) April 21, 2013
“Well, Duh” of the Weekend
Ian Wright, ex-Arsenal
Wonder if #Rafa will get a better reception from the redmen than his native bluemen at #Anfield! bit.ly/LFCversCFC
— Ian Wright (@IanWright0) April 21, 2013
Friend-Maker of the Weekend
Rodney Marsh, ex-Fulham, Manchester City and Queens Park Rangers
Mercenaries 0 Hoofers 2
— Rodney Marsh (@RodneyMarsh10) April 20, 2013
Feeder of the Weekend
Brian Jensen, Burnley
You know summer is coming up when u start to women’s sexy belly buttons ;)#morningbanter twitter.com/jensen_com/sta…
— Brian Jensen (@jensen_com) April 20, 2013
Soiled Garment of the Weekend
James McArthur, Wigan Athletic
tip, when home alone dont watch derren brown investigates ghosts #chocolateonmyboxers
— james mcarthur (@jamesmcarthur16) April 20, 2013
Ambition of the Weekend
Bernard Mensah, Watford
In my next life imma be the best black tennis player in history!
— Mensah Jr (@Mensah_23) April 21, 2013
Resolve of the Weekend
Jaydon Gibbs, brother of Arsenal’s Kieran
If you still look like a sort after running the marathon then id wife you.
— Jaydon Gibbs (@Jaydon_P_Gibbs) April 21, 2013
Incredulity of the Weekend
George Lineker, son of Gary
Waitin 4 a cab after tellin him the address i say ‘Im in Chelsea next to the bridge over the river’ he goes…’What river?’ give me strength
— George Lineker (@GeorgeLineker) April 20, 2013
Second-Hand Motivational Slogan of the Weekend
Gabriel Zakuani, Peterborough United
I remember our African PE teacher.1 day I was about to drop out of the bleep test he shouted”Are you an AfriCAN or an AfriCANT” lmao
— Gabriel Zakuani (@Gabs50Zakuani) April 19, 2013
Sign of the Times of the Weekend
Danny Baker
3 adverts in a row, bars full of carefully screened airbrushed 20 somethings watching “footy” on unseen TV, all clenched fists & phoney joy.
— Danny Baker (@prodnose) April 21, 2013
Social Butterfly of the Weekend
Dion Dublin – hanging with Robbie Williams…
Just in case u mist it the first 1000 times I’ve put it on haha #ohwhatanight twitter.com/DionDublinsDub…
— Dion Dublin (@DionDublinsDube) April 21, 2013
…and Darren Huckerby…
#sunshine , Pear Cider and #SuperSunday even @diondublinsdubepopped round to my mates house for a sneaky Wherry twitter.com/hucks6dh6/stat…
— Darren Huckerby (@hucks6dh6) April 21, 2013
…hobnobbing with celebrity magician Dynamo and Xfm DJ Gordon Smart…
Morning @dynamomagician how’s u?
— Dion Dublin (@DionDublinsDube) April 21, 2013
@gordonsmart get back to me please pal need a chat about @establishmentuk live
— Dion Dublin (@DionDublinsDube) April 21, 2013
Locked Horns of the Weekend
Robbie Fowler, ex-Liverpool and Brian Moore, ex-England rugby union player
Sports media who said there was no reason why gay footballers can’t come out on today’s game- see @graemelesaux14@robbie9fowler & comments
— Brian Moore (@brianmoore666) April 21, 2013
@brianmoore666 oh look… Someone else wants to get mentioned in the papers….
— Robbie Fowler (@Robbie9Fowler) April 21, 2013
Actually Robbie I write in them so it’s pretty much guaranteed I get my name in @robbie9fowler Let’s go 10 rounds or are you all mouth?
— Brian Moore (@brianmoore666) April 21, 2013
@brianmoore666 to be honest I wouldn’t give you the time of the day, because you’re another attention seeking cock.. Sort your teeth out.1/2
— Robbie Fowler (@Robbie9Fowler) April 21, 2013
@brianmoore666 and keep telling jokes about Down’s syndrome … Don’t bother replying you’ve been blocked you fat horrible mess
— Robbie Fowler (@Robbie9Fowler) April 21, 2013
Maturation of the Weekend
Ben Osborn, Nottingham Forest
Can remember when taking a picture of your mate asleep was well funny. It’s not funny at all is it.
— Ben Osborn (@OsbornOn1) April 21, 2013
Incongruous Hash Tag of the Weekend
Owen is the only Ballon d’Or winner playing in the Prem, therefore Stoke are the only club with a winner in their squad #thanksforcoming
— Gabriel Zakuani (@Gabs50Zakuani) April 20, 2013
‘Twitter in a Nutshell’ of the Weekend
Coldplay – The Hardest Part
— Gerard Piqué (@3gerardpique) April 20, 2013
@3gerardpique ITS MY BIRTHDAY PLEASE SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY I LOVE YOU PIQUE!!!
— Dani Alves Fan (@Dani2AlvesFan) April 20, 2013
Tune in on Friday for our Football Tweets of the Week!