Football Tweets of the Week: Pelé, Ferdinand, Owen, Neville, Luiz and more!

Not pictured: John Lennon (Image: AFP/SCANPIX)

Just have yourself a butcher’s at our Football Tweets of the Week and be done with it…

Inadequately Expressed Fact of the Week

Rio Ferdinand, Manchester United

#RioFact Bulgaria was the only football team in the 1994 World Cup in which all 11 players’ last names ended with the letters ‘ov’.

— Rio Ferdinand (@rioferdy5) April 15, 2013

Were you under the impression that there’d have been one or two others, Rio?

Adverse Conditions of the Week

Matt Le Tissier, ex-Southampton

“@johncucyk: @mattletiss7 how’s the wind down there”Very strong but beans for breakfast wasnt a great idea!

— Matt Le Tissier (@mattletiss7) April 17, 2013

Doctor Dolittle of the Week

Michael Owen, Stoke City

Rumour has it in the Owen household that we are taking delivery of a cow next week. Word reached my Mum that it may have to be put down so

— michael owen (@themichaelowen) April 18, 2013

in she stepped with ‘Michael will have it’. Ive so far been lumped with: dogs, chickens, budgies, guinea pigs, rabbits, horses and sheep.

— michael owen (@themichaelowen) April 18, 2013

Bond of the Week

Gary Neville, ex-Manchester United

“@lfcraigh: Daniel Craig or Gary Neville twitter.com/LFCraigH/statu…”Only Bond I’ve been compared to is Nigel Bond(Snooker Player).I’ll take it

— G.Neville (@GNev2) April 18, 2013

Ailment of the Week

Kenwyne Jones, Stoke City

My feet hurt

— Kenwyne J Jones (@KJ9nes) April 16, 2013

Cuss of the Week

Kenwyne Jones, Stoke City

@kj9nes How does your feet hurt..? I didn’t see you move against United #FatLazyWanker

— Alright Geezer (@JTWood94) April 16, 2013

@jtwood94 was walking all over u n ur missus

— Kenwyne J Jones (@KJ9nes) April 16, 2013

Cuss of the Week II

Jay Emmanuel-Thomas, Ipswich Town

My keek later is goin to be ever so good #Banta @yannickbolasie who you callin a benchwarmer, last night u wasnt exactly a dench baller

— Jay Emmanuel-Thomas (@OfficialJET9) April 17, 2013

Cuss of the Week III

Jordan Graham, Aston Villa

How can my man @mrminiature say your mom looks like frank ribery loooool

— Jordan Graham (@jordandakid) April 16, 2013

Thick Skin of the Week

Scott Loach, Ipswich Town

Can’t believe u all called me a fat b*#st*rd. haha only messing. Great banter. Yoooou blueeeesssss!

— Scott Loach (@Iam_ScottLoach) April 16, 2013

“I Hope Your Next One’s a Hedgehog” of the Week

Rhys McCabe, Sheffield Wednesday

@garymadine9 haha hope u have a stingy shit this morning

— rhys mccabe (@rhysmccabe16) April 17, 2013

Harsh – after all, that’s a sacred moment. Just ask ex-Barnsley, Chelsea, Crystal Palace, Southampton and Wimbledon centre forward Neil Shipperley…

Morning poo’s are brilliant !!

— Neil Shipperley (@neilshipperley) April 18, 2013


Spat of the Week

Aaron O’Connor, Newport County vs a 15-year-old girl

“@gemmalouise_oxo: @ocizzle aw I hope ur injury hurt yesterday cya next season ur shit” hurt as much as ur botox. Glad u watched #NoLife

— Aaron O’Connor (@OCizzle) April 17, 2013

@ocizzle I’m 15 u fucktard why the hell would I get botox, ur shit shut ur mouth

— gemma louise (@GemmaLouise_oxo) April 17, 2013

@gemmalouise_oxo 15 looking 35. U could do with a good tan too #GodHelpYou #KeepWatchingMe #NoLifeSk*t

— Aaron O’Connor (@OCizzle) April 17, 2013

Token Niceties of the Week

Sergio Aguero, Manchester City and David Luiz, Chelsea

I’ve contacted @davidluiz_4 and apologized for what happened during the match. It was an impulse reaction that shouldn’t have happened.

— Sergio Aguero (@aguerosergiokun) April 16, 2013

Thank you @aguerosergiokun for a demonstration of character. We get to know great man and athletes this way.

— David Luiz (@DavidLuiz_4) April 16, 2013

Well, at least until this guy piped up…

.@davidluiz_4 @aguerosergiokun You soft cunt, sideshow.

— Football Manager (@FourFourFM) April 16, 2013

Friend of the Stars of the Week

Joe Ledley, Celtic

I wish I had a GPS when I was walking around Disneyland Paris done some mileage! Had a great time tho Mickey Mouse was a gentleman.

— Joe ledley (@joe16led) April 18, 2013

Engaged Brain of the Week

Jay Emmanuel-Thomas, Ipswich Town

Isit ontop of a crab lool RT @jesxxixi: Why is my mac moving side ways

— Jay Emmanuel-Thomas (@OfficialJET9) April 16, 2013

Dawning Realisation of the Week

David Cotterill, Doncaster Rovers

Wow North Korea is crazy! #panorama

— David cotterill (@cotterill_david) April 15, 2013

Eh? of the Week

Lee Molyneux, Accrington Stanley

Bats have dark souls. They watch, they think, they attack. Under hanging they wait. Solid undergrowth this man has, follow @bradnightis

— Lee Molyneux (@Moly24) April 16, 2013

Eh? of the Week II

Kyle McFadzean, Crawley Town

Hi there I’m Kyle Mcfadzean from Sheffield …..currently living in creepy Crawley A/S/L????? #starving

— Kyle Mcfadzean (@KyMcfadzean) April 17, 2013

Eh? of the Week III

Jake Jervis, Elazığspor

“@gecenin23: @darser67 @jjervis20 When will foot Serdar older brother Jake Jervis” doesn’t make sense bro

— Jake ‘Mario’ Jervis (@JJervis20) April 17, 2013

Music Critic of the Week

Adam McGurk, Tranmere Rovers

Just realised The Saturdays start their song off singing like yardies in that song with Sean Paul.outrageous.

— Adam McGurk (@AdamMcGurk11) April 16, 2013

Waster of the Week

Rory McKeown, Kilmarnock

this Snapchat business is getting me through today haha, and the drugs, definitely the drugs

— Rory McKeown (@rmckeown23) April 16, 2013

Lost Soul of the Week

George Lineker, son of Gary

Wish I knew where I was

— George Lineker (@GeorgeLineker) April 17, 2013

Elaboration Required of the Week

Phil Neville, Everton

Morning-just unpacked my bag from last night and some bright spark put these in my bag-war!! twitter.com/fizzer18/statu…

— phil neville18 (@fizzer18) April 17, 2013

Execution of the Week

Billy Clifford, Colchester United (on loan from Chelsea)

Back in the chair

— Billy Clifford (@Bclifford47) April 17, 2013

Stream of Consciousness of the Week

Clinton Morrison, Colchester United

M25 here I come and I can see it says long delays already fuming hate driving might get a helicopter lol

— Clinton Morrison (@morrisonclinton) April 18, 2013

Why Don’t You Just Ask Him? of the Week

James Scowcroft, ex-Crystal Palace, Ipswich Town and Leicester City

Friend of mine went home n away with Cardiff, but hasn’t watched one game this season due to playing in red. Wonder how he feels tonight….

— James Scowcroft (@scowy1975) April 16, 2013

Giving Up Gardening of the Week

Saido Berahino, West Bromwich Albion

Shutting down all my old hoes!!

— Saido Berahino (@SBerahino) April 18, 2013

Takes After Her Old Man of the Week

Millie Ruddock, daughter of Neil

I’m actually gonna join a gym for the next 3 months..lets see how long this lasts

— Millie Ruddock (@MillieRuddock) April 16, 2013

Instant Horn of the Week

Jaydon Gibbs, brother of Kieran

The sun and a kopperberg gives me the instant horn!

— Jaydon Gibbs (@Jaydon_P_Gibbs) April 16, 2013

Misquoted Cher Lyric of the Week

Grant McCann, Peterborough United

If I could turn back time one of my wishes would have been to see George Best play live. Some of these clips are just unreal.

— Grant mccann (@grantmccann11) April 16, 2013

‘Not Too Sexy to Say Happy Birthday’ of the Week

Max Rushden, Soccer AM

for the first time in 34 years, Right Said Fred have wished me happy birthday.The reason for Twitter existing now confirmed. (see next RT)

— Max Rushden (@maxrushden) April 18, 2013

“@5thmcfly: Hey @thefreds could you wish ladies man and @socceram host @maxrushden a happy birthday please.”..Happy Birthday !!

— Right Said Fred(@TheFreds) April 18, 2013

Guess the Year of the Week

Ian Abrahams, talkSPORT

@martinlipton last year ? Next year ?

— Ian Abrahams (@BroadcastMoose) April 16, 2013

Dynamic Duo of the Week

Pelé and John Lennon

It brings back many memories of my time spent with John Lennon in New York.

— Pelé (@Pele) April 17, 2013

Image of the Week

Phil Jones, Manchester United

Phil Jones on his wedding day twitter.com/FootballFunnys…

— Football Funnys (@FootballFunnys) April 16, 2013

Hear Hear of the Week

Phil Thompson, ex-Liverpool

Sad news about Anne Williams,your spirit will live on. RIP Anne

— Phil Thompson (@Phil_Thompson4) April 18, 2013

Tune in on Monday for our Football Tweets of the Weekend!