Just have yourself a butcher’s at our Football Tweets of the Week and be done with it…
Inadequately Expressed Fact of the Week
Rio Ferdinand, Manchester United
#RioFact Bulgaria was the only football team in the 1994 World Cup in which all 11 players’ last names ended with the letters ‘ov’.
— Rio Ferdinand (@rioferdy5) April 15, 2013
Were you under the impression that there’d have been one or two others, Rio?
Adverse Conditions of the Week
Matt Le Tissier, ex-Southampton
“@johncucyk: @mattletiss7 how’s the wind down there”Very strong but beans for breakfast wasnt a great idea!
— Matt Le Tissier (@mattletiss7) April 17, 2013
Doctor Dolittle of the Week
Michael Owen, Stoke City
Rumour has it in the Owen household that we are taking delivery of a cow next week. Word reached my Mum that it may have to be put down so
— michael owen (@themichaelowen) April 18, 2013
in she stepped with ‘Michael will have it’. Ive so far been lumped with: dogs, chickens, budgies, guinea pigs, rabbits, horses and sheep.
— michael owen (@themichaelowen) April 18, 2013
Bond of the Week
Gary Neville, ex-Manchester United
“@lfcraigh: Daniel Craig or Gary Neville twitter.com/LFCraigH/statu…”Only Bond I’ve been compared to is Nigel Bond(Snooker Player).I’ll take it
— G.Neville (@GNev2) April 18, 2013
Ailment of the Week
Kenwyne Jones, Stoke City
My feet hurt
— Kenwyne J Jones (@KJ9nes) April 16, 2013
Cuss of the Week
Kenwyne Jones, Stoke City
@kj9nes How does your feet hurt..? I didn’t see you move against United #FatLazyWanker
— Alright Geezer (@JTWood94) April 16, 2013
@jtwood94 was walking all over u n ur missus
— Kenwyne J Jones (@KJ9nes) April 16, 2013
Cuss of the Week II
Jay Emmanuel-Thomas, Ipswich Town
My keek later is goin to be ever so good #Banta @yannickbolasie who you callin a benchwarmer, last night u wasnt exactly a dench baller
— Jay Emmanuel-Thomas (@OfficialJET9) April 17, 2013
Cuss of the Week III
Jordan Graham, Aston Villa
How can my man @mrminiature say your mom looks like frank ribery loooool
— Jordan Graham (@jordandakid) April 16, 2013
Thick Skin of the Week
Scott Loach, Ipswich Town
Can’t believe u all called me a fat b*#st*rd. haha only messing. Great banter. Yoooou blueeeesssss!
— Scott Loach (@Iam_ScottLoach) April 16, 2013
“I Hope Your Next One’s a Hedgehog” of the Week
Rhys McCabe, Sheffield Wednesday
@garymadine9 haha hope u have a stingy shit this morning
— rhys mccabe (@rhysmccabe16) April 17, 2013
Harsh – after all, that’s a sacred moment. Just ask ex-Barnsley, Chelsea, Crystal Palace, Southampton and Wimbledon centre forward Neil Shipperley…
Morning poo’s are brilliant !!
— Neil Shipperley (@neilshipperley) April 18, 2013
See?
Spat of the Week
Aaron O’Connor, Newport County vs a 15-year-old girl
“@gemmalouise_oxo: @ocizzle aw I hope ur injury hurt yesterday cya next season ur shit” hurt as much as ur botox. Glad u watched #NoLife
— Aaron O’Connor (@OCizzle) April 17, 2013
@ocizzle I’m 15 u fucktard why the hell would I get botox, ur shit shut ur mouth
— gemma louise (@GemmaLouise_oxo) April 17, 2013
@gemmalouise_oxo 15 looking 35. U could do with a good tan too #GodHelpYou #KeepWatchingMe #NoLifeSk*t
— Aaron O’Connor (@OCizzle) April 17, 2013
Token Niceties of the Week
Sergio Aguero, Manchester City and David Luiz, Chelsea
I’ve contacted @davidluiz_4 and apologized for what happened during the match. It was an impulse reaction that shouldn’t have happened.
— Sergio Aguero (@aguerosergiokun) April 16, 2013
Thank you @aguerosergiokun for a demonstration of character. We get to know great man and athletes this way.
— David Luiz (@DavidLuiz_4) April 16, 2013
Well, at least until this guy piped up…
.@davidluiz_4 @aguerosergiokun You soft cunt, sideshow.
— Football Manager (@FourFourFM) April 16, 2013
Friend of the Stars of the Week
Joe Ledley, Celtic
I wish I had a GPS when I was walking around Disneyland Paris done some mileage! Had a great time tho Mickey Mouse was a gentleman.
— Joe ledley (@joe16led) April 18, 2013
Engaged Brain of the Week
Jay Emmanuel-Thomas, Ipswich Town
Isit ontop of a crab lool RT @jesxxixi: Why is my mac moving side ways
— Jay Emmanuel-Thomas (@OfficialJET9) April 16, 2013
Dawning Realisation of the Week
David Cotterill, Doncaster Rovers
Wow North Korea is crazy! #panorama
— David cotterill (@cotterill_david) April 15, 2013
Eh? of the Week
Lee Molyneux, Accrington Stanley
Bats have dark souls. They watch, they think, they attack. Under hanging they wait. Solid undergrowth this man has, follow @bradnightis
— Lee Molyneux (@Moly24) April 16, 2013
Eh? of the Week II
Kyle McFadzean, Crawley Town
Hi there I’m Kyle Mcfadzean from Sheffield …..currently living in creepy Crawley A/S/L????? #starving
— Kyle Mcfadzean (@KyMcfadzean) April 17, 2013
Eh? of the Week III
Jake Jervis, Elazığspor
“@gecenin23: @darser67 @jjervis20 When will foot Serdar older brother Jake Jervis” doesn’t make sense bro
— Jake ‘Mario’ Jervis (@JJervis20) April 17, 2013
Music Critic of the Week
Adam McGurk, Tranmere Rovers
Just realised The Saturdays start their song off singing like yardies in that song with Sean Paul.outrageous.
— Adam McGurk (@AdamMcGurk11) April 16, 2013
Waster of the Week
Rory McKeown, Kilmarnock
this Snapchat business is getting me through today haha, and the drugs, definitely the drugs
— Rory McKeown (@rmckeown23) April 16, 2013
Lost Soul of the Week
George Lineker, son of Gary
Wish I knew where I was
— George Lineker (@GeorgeLineker) April 17, 2013
Elaboration Required of the Week
Phil Neville, Everton
Morning-just unpacked my bag from last night and some bright spark put these in my bag-war!! twitter.com/fizzer18/statu…
— phil neville18 (@fizzer18) April 17, 2013
Execution of the Week
Billy Clifford, Colchester United (on loan from Chelsea)
Back in the chair
— Billy Clifford (@Bclifford47) April 17, 2013
Stream of Consciousness of the Week
Clinton Morrison, Colchester United
M25 here I come and I can see it says long delays already fuming hate driving might get a helicopter lol
— Clinton Morrison (@morrisonclinton) April 18, 2013
Why Don’t You Just Ask Him? of the Week
James Scowcroft, ex-Crystal Palace, Ipswich Town and Leicester City
Friend of mine went home n away with Cardiff, but hasn’t watched one game this season due to playing in red. Wonder how he feels tonight….
— James Scowcroft (@scowy1975) April 16, 2013
Giving Up Gardening of the Week
Saido Berahino, West Bromwich Albion
Shutting down all my old hoes!!
— Saido Berahino (@SBerahino) April 18, 2013
Takes After Her Old Man of the Week
Millie Ruddock, daughter of Neil
I’m actually gonna join a gym for the next 3 months..lets see how long this lasts
— Millie Ruddock (@MillieRuddock) April 16, 2013
Instant Horn of the Week
Jaydon Gibbs, brother of Kieran
The sun and a kopperberg gives me the instant horn!
— Jaydon Gibbs (@Jaydon_P_Gibbs) April 16, 2013
Misquoted Cher Lyric of the Week
Grant McCann, Peterborough United
If I could turn back time one of my wishes would have been to see George Best play live. Some of these clips are just unreal.
— Grant mccann (@grantmccann11) April 16, 2013
‘Not Too Sexy to Say Happy Birthday’ of the Week
Max Rushden, Soccer AM
for the first time in 34 years, Right Said Fred have wished me happy birthday.The reason for Twitter existing now confirmed. (see next RT)
— Max Rushden (@maxrushden) April 18, 2013
“@5thmcfly: Hey @thefreds could you wish ladies man and @socceram host @maxrushden a happy birthday please.”..Happy Birthday !!
— Right Said Fred(@TheFreds) April 18, 2013
Guess the Year of the Week
Ian Abrahams, talkSPORT
@martinlipton last year ? Next year ?
— Ian Abrahams (@BroadcastMoose) April 16, 2013
Dynamic Duo of the Week
Pelé and John Lennon
It brings back many memories of my time spent with John Lennon in New York.
— Pelé (@Pele) April 17, 2013
Image of the Week
Phil Jones, Manchester United
Phil Jones on his wedding day twitter.com/FootballFunnys…
— Football Funnys (@FootballFunnys) April 16, 2013
Hear Hear of the Week
Phil Thompson, ex-Liverpool
Sad news about Anne Williams,your spirit will live on. RIP Anne
— Phil Thompson (@Phil_Thompson4) April 18, 2013
Tune in on Monday for our Football Tweets of the Weekend!