Football Tweets of the Week: Le Tissier, Routledge, Lansbury, Beattie and more!

James Beattie
James Beattie wasn’t always a footballer, you know (Image: Simon Harriyott)

The funny thing is, the closer it gets, the more it looks like Football Burp’s Football Tweets of the Week…

Obituary of the Week

Peter Reid, ex-Everton

Mrs Thatcher not for me.

— Peter Reid (@reid6peter) April 9, 2013

Wasn’t Watching the Match of the Week

Adam Reed, York City (on loan from Sunderland)

OMG Dortmund!

— Ben Foster (@BenFoster) April 9, 2013

Dortmund take a bow! That is unbelievable

— Wayne Routledge (@WayneRoutledge) April 9, 2013

Wow Dortmund what a game

— Lewis Turner (@lewisturner92) April 9, 2013

As soon as I switch to the Madrid game . Dortmund score two

— Liam Palmer (@LiamJPalmer) April 9, 2013

Lil Wayne latest album is too much !!

— Adam Reed (@Adam_Reed4) April 9, 2013

Did that just happen. #ChampionsLeague. Dort v Malaga

— Izzy Iriekpen (@Izzyiriekpen) April 9, 2013

omg.. thats football

— javier garrido (@javiergerr) April 9, 2013


— joe bennett (@joebennett27) April 9, 2013

American of the Week

Terrence Boyd, Rapid Vienna

Dortmund with the 4th quarter comeback

— Terrence Boyd (@TBoyd91) April 9, 2013

Accusation of the Week

Abdullah N Al Thani, Malaga president

Thank you very much for the team you have been Champions On the pitchI’m sorry to go out this way injustice and racism

— Abdullah N Al Thani (@ANAALThani) April 9, 2013

This is not football, but racism and clear of all

— Abdullah N Al Thani (@ANAALThani) April 9, 2013

Kneejerk of the Week

Alan Sugar, ex-Tottenham Hotspur chairman

AVB should be fired.no tactics.Been lucky up till now with results.how can he put Huddleston as pen taker.Then Adebayor you knew would miss.

— Lord Sugar (@Lord_Sugar) April 11, 2013

Wit of the Week

George Lineker, son of Gary

#ThingsMoreUsefulThanAdebayor a woman who doesn’t cook and clean

— George Lineker (@GeorgeLineker) April 11, 2013

Raconteur of the Week

Craig Beattie, ex-Celtic

At kids party last night! Was a kids joke section, 7 year old girl steps up ‘How do you make a door smile?? Tickle its knob’ the horror

— Craig Beattie (@CraigBeats) April 10, 2013

Robot of the Week

Kei Kamara, Norwich City

“@jonnieroyal: @keikamara should have attacked it, got to want it more. Still, had a Good game though. Next time! #NCFC“»»» AGREE.

— KEI KAMARA (@keikamara) April 7, 2013

Virtual Press Conference of the Week

Matt Le Tissier, Guernsey FC

“@camstark000: @mattletiss7 whens your first match for guernsy fc? :)”Only the gaffer will decide that @tonyvancegfc

— Matt Le Tissier (@mattletiss7) April 9, 2013

“@rogers_richardd: @mattletiss7 what league do Guernsey play in?”Combined counties premier

— Matt Le Tissier (@mattletiss7) April 9, 2013

“@chappersdave: @mattletiss7 Are you match fit though?”Never was but did ok anyway

— Matt Le Tissier (@mattletiss7) April 9, 2013

Probably Correct of the Week

Miles Jacobson, Sports Interactive

If a player kicks another one in the head, and leaves the leg there, being sorry & apologetic doesn’t matter. It’s a red card.

— Miles Jacobson (@milesSI) April 7, 2013

Withering Put Down of the Week

James Beattie, Accrington Stanley

“@gazla75:I’m the drunken idiot that said my uncle had spat on your Dominos, says he wish he had cos ur n arse”Described yourself perfectly

— James Beattie (@1jamesbeattie) April 7, 2013

Unorthodox Sunday Roast of the Week

Rodney Marsh, ex-Fulham, Manchester City and Queens Park Rangers

Susan Boyle’s warming up

— Rodney Marsh (@RodneyMarsh10) April 7, 2013

Science Club of the Week

Wayne Routledge, Swansea City

Hmmmm “@themindblowing: What if oxygen is poison and it just takes 70-100 years to kill us?”

— Wayne Routledge (@WayneRoutledge) April 9, 2013

@wayneroutledge @themindblowing surely that would mean that having better CV fitness would kill you quicker?

— Andy Briggs (@andybsfc) April 9, 2013

@wayneroutledge @themindblowing well without it we last minutes so il take the 70-100 years

— Mark Menzies (@menzy1984) April 9, 2013

@wayneroutledge @themindblowing even though Oxygen masks stop people from dying. Hmmmmm…

— Jake Hughes (@Hughesy_94) April 9, 2013

@wayneroutledge @themindblowing does that mean if we breathed something else we’d still be babies?

— Lemonswed (@Lemonswed4cawl) April 9, 2013

@wayneroutledge @themindblowing love this tweet. Peel an apple.. Wot happens to it???? It dies quicker.

— paul martin (@paul_martin1974) April 9, 2013

Makes you think! “@paul_martin1974: @wayneroutledge @themindblowing love this tweet. Peel an apple.. Wot happens to it???? It dies quicker.”

— Wayne Routledge (@WayneRoutledge) April 9, 2013

@wayneroutledge @paul_martin1974 @themindblowing that makes no sense, baring in mind apples don’t die

— Jordan Springall (@JordanSpringall) April 9, 2013

“Cool Story, Bro” of the Week

Ben Purkiss, Walsall

We had a similar strike to Eboue’s in training today. When i say similar i reckon it was marginally better! Can’t remember who hit it!!

— Ben Purkiss (@bpurkiss23) April 9, 2013

Bromance of the Week

Conor McAleny and Matty Kennedy, Everton

@cmcaleny always smells terrific! That is all x

— MattyKennedy31 (@MattyKennedy31) April 7, 2013

Bromance of the Week II

Joe Mattock and Rhys McCabe, Sheffield Wednesday

Why is joe mattock waking me up shining a fucking flashlight in my face and trying to jump in my single bed beside me

— rhys mccabe (@rhysmccabe16) April 9, 2013

Striptease of the Week

Nathaniel Clyne, Southampton

Who’s got my shirt? Lol twitter.com/Nathaniel_Clyn…

— Nathaniel Clyne (@Nathaniel_Clyne) April 7, 2013

Liverpool Fan of the Week

Jonathan Northcroft, Sunday Times

SAF on mischievous form. Says challengers in next few years will be City, Chelsea, Arsenal, Tottenham. He left out someone.

— Jonathan Northcroft (@JNorthcroft) April 7, 2013

Eh? of the Week

Marcus Bean, Colchester United

I’m crying just remembering the incident squirted blood all over her #bigcustard

— Marcus Bean (@mbean4) April 11, 2013

Eh? of the Week II

George Lineker, son of Gary

Actually swans are the worst, unreliable people are 2nd

— George Lineker (@GeorgeLineker) April 10, 2013

Sighting of the Week

David Bell, Coventry City

Just seen a guy at the gym doin weights with goalie gloves on!!! #sondicos

— David Bell (@David7Bell) April 7, 2013

New Signings of the Week

Henri Lansbury, Nottingham Forest

Say hello to the new family members ahaha twitter.com/HenriLansbury2…

— Henri Lansbury (@HenriLansbury22) April 10, 2013

Passing on a Message on Behalf of Joe Cole of the Week

Jody Morris, ex-Chelsea

‘I put my heart and soul in this game I’m feeling drained,unappreciated,unalleviated,tired of coming up short F**k abbreviated’ #jcole

— jody morris (@morriskid) April 9, 2013

Silent Assassin of the Week

Nile Ranger, ex-Newcastle United

Loool u know when ur in public places and u wana fart so BAD…but ur scared people will hear.. U just have to put the silencer on the fart

— Nile ranger (@NilePowerRanger) April 10, 2013

“He Hit Me (It Felt Like a Kiss)” of the Week

Marcus Gayle, manager of Staines Town

Strange feeling from last nights game , eventhough we drew with welling …it felt like a win !!

— marcus gayle (@marcus11gayle) April 10, 2013

Nemesis of the Week

Steve Claridge, ex-Aldershot, Birmingham City, Bournemouth, Bradford City, Brentford, Brighton and Hove Albion, Cambridge United, Crystal Palace, Gillingham, Gosport Borough, Harrow Borough, Leicester City, Millwall, Portsmouth, Wallsall, Weymouth, Worthing and Wycombe Wanderers

Think I’ve just met the smiling assassin,at game, jovial little old lady says remember the leeds game and all the abuse u got, that was me!

— Steve Claridge (@SteveClaridge) April 10, 2013

Sweetie of the Week

Kemy Agustien, Swansea City

It’s crazy how I automatically smile when I talk to you.”

— kemy agustien (@KemyAgustien) April 9, 2013

Joey Barton Rant of the Week

Some strange people think that I’ll be playing in the Championship next season. Good one! QPR might, I won’t! #fact

— Joseph Barton (@Joey7Barton) April 9, 2013

My QPR career was over when they decided to listen to the footballing sage, Mark of Hughes…

— Joseph Barton (@Joey7Barton) April 9, 2013

I’m loving life in France. Loving Marseille. They love me. All I want to do is gave everything for this football club. They backed me when..

— Joseph Barton (@Joey7Barton) April 9, 2013

..nobody else did, for that I will be eternally grateful. This club is now in my blood, its impossible to get it out. #ForzaOM

— Joseph Barton (@Joey7Barton) April 9, 2013

For the record, QPR was over 4 me way before the Man City incident. Those stories are for another time. I wish QPR all the best 4 the future

— Joseph Barton (@Joey7Barton) April 9, 2013

I really hope they stay up. I have all season. Stay up/go down. Harry stays/goes. I don’t want to be part of it. Marseille is my home now.

— Joseph Barton (@Joey7Barton) April 9, 2013

It’s not upto QPR if I stay. Agreement already in place for me to stay here. Can’t see QPR wanting me on the wage bill in the Champ.

— Joseph Barton (@Joey7Barton) April 9, 2013

It was a move for me that just never worked out. Sometimes that happens. I gave my all in that shirt as I always do. I made mistakes. But…

— Joseph Barton (@Joey7Barton) April 9, 2013

…I never gave less then my all, regardless of internal politics. I played a part in keeping them up last year. This year, I was banished..

— Joseph Barton (@Joey7Barton) April 9, 2013

..from the 1st day of pre-season training. Treated like a leaper. Some will say deservedly so. I can’t argue. Life goes on, after all…

— Joseph Barton (@Joey7Barton) April 9, 2013

It’s only a game of football…

— Joseph Barton (@Joey7Barton) April 9, 2013

Image of the Week

Phil Jones, Manchester United

Great photo of Phil Jones!!!Gonna be a great player btw#mufc Via @vgnettbrenne99 twitter.com/JanAageFjortof…

— Jan Aage Fjortoft (@JanAageFjortoft) April 9, 2013

Tune in on Monday for our Football Tweets of the Weekend!