Chelsea sign Diego Costa for £32m – but here’s what they could have had…

What else can that kind of money get you these days? Let's take a look...

Chelsea sign Diego Costa, aka this guy
Costa bomb (Image: Carlos Delgado)

So, Chelsea sign Diego Costa for £32m from Atlético Madrid – but what else can that kind of money get you these days? Join us as we take a look at five other things they could have spent the transfer fee on…


A 1906 Claude Monet water lilies painting

The painting in question, Nympheas, fetched £31.7m at a Sotheby’s auction of modern and impressionist works last month.

Let’s have a look at it, then…

Hmm. Doesn’t look like it’d be much use on the pitch, but then neither is Fernando Torres – and which would you rather gaze upon in an idle moment?

Mind you, you might find Torres’s permanently forlorn expression to be even more moving than a painting of some lilies. Shame Monet’s not around to capture it in a portrait.

MORE: Monet Water Lilies painting sells for £32m

A number of rare items owned by the Duke of Northumberland

Also auctioned off at Sotheby’s, the Duke had to sell off family treasures in order to cover the costs of flood damage done to his land.

Items sold included Jan Brueghel the Elder painting The Garden Of Eden and the Fall of Man, a wing of a diptych by Giovanni da Rimini and a Roman marble statue of Aphrodite, the latter of which broke the European record for a classical sculpture sold at an auction when it brought in £9.3m.

Probably not José Mourinho’s cup of tea, though – he’d lose his rag at Aphrodite’s statuesque* defending, while he’d be reluctant to play the diptych wing unless it was willing to track back and muck in defensively.

On the other hand, the Fall of Man painting might give him fond memories of Ramires’s last-minute dive against West Brom last season.

(*Yes, we’re aware that ‘statuesque’ doesn’t mean ‘like a statue’. Commentators take note.)

MORE: Flood-damage art sale raises £32m

Five superyachts

“The 2008-2012 double-dip recession hit the boating industry harder than most,” we are informed by Motorboats Monthly, “but it seems that there could be light at the end of the tunnel.” Huzzah!

You see, European superyacht dealer Edmiston – everyone’s favourite superyacht dealer, surely – reckon the market’s back on track, or rather water, having just kicked off the season by selling five vessels in five weeks for a total of £32m.

And they turn faster than John Terry. Arf.

MORE: Edmiston hails new life in superyacht market after £32m sales

An Innovation Centre and Campus Hub at the University of Edinburgh

What do you get if you cross an innovation centre with a campus hub? That’s right, folks – an Innovation Centre and Campus Hub!

Urban Realm informs us that this new building will “provide laboratory and office space for tenant companies alongside a public outreach centre and hub facilities (shop, gym and more) for all based at the campus”.

Sounds a bit like Chelsea Village. Well, the shop and gym bits of it anyway. No hotel or stadium, though.

MORE: University of Edinburgh plans delivery of £32m campus hub

A government watchdog with no teeth

A publicly funded watchdog designed to “investigate complaints that individuals have been treated unfairly or have received poor service from government departments, public organisations and the NHS in England” is nothing more than an expensive sham.

That’s the opinion of grassroots pressure group PHSO – The Facts, who draw attention to the fact that, at £32m a year, it is the most expensive Parliamentary Ombudsman in the developed world yet delivers the worst results (see link below for a set of quite damning statistics).

Just think of the PR boon in store for Chelsea were they to assume control of it and turn it around. What with the continuing awfulness of the England football team, we might as well go for best watchdog designed to investigate complaints that individuals have been treated unfairly or have received poor service from government departments or public organisations…in the world.

MORE: Corrupt by Design? Grassroots Campaign Say £32m a Year Govt Watchdog Has No Teeth

We do hope you found this informative. It’s not every day that Chelsea sign Diego Costa for £32m, so go out and enjoy yourselves! Responsibly.