Our Tweets of the Week cover such exciting topics – and indeed would-be band names – as Armand Traore Porn Star Proposition, Olivier Bernard Accent Meltdown and David Gray Nutcracker…
Caught Red-Handed of the Week
Armand Traore, ex-Queens Park Rangers
Armand Traore there, propositioning a porn star on Instagram. What an age we live in. pic.twitter.com/s35EeE9lfy
— Tommy Keenan (@tommyktrack) August 28, 2013
Dieter of the Week
Neville Southall, ex-Everton
Quick way to burn off 2+ inches from your waist while losing up to 30 lbs of body fat in less than 25 days http://t.co/pWvX9K3DLY
— Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) August 28, 2013
@NevilleSouthall Hacked again Nev ?
— John B (@John_B58) August 28, 2013
Suggested Terrace Chant of the Week
Arseblog
[We are family] “Mathieu Flam-in-i, we will sign him coz he is free”
— arseblog (@arseblog) August 28, 2013
Closely followed by this chap…
@arseblog To Einstein A Go Go – I signed Sanogo
— Ian Watmore (@ianwatmore) August 28, 2013
Anticipation of the Week
Evan Fanning, Telegraph
It's not even September and Uefa has already had to clarify its position on animal sacrifice. This season is going to be great.
— Evan Fanning (@evanfanning) August 28, 2013
Conjecture of the Week
Rory Smith, The Times
That wouldn't have gone in if Shakhter had been able to get their hands on a sheep.
— Rory Smith (@RorySmithTimes) August 28, 2013
Prestige of the Week
Richie Sadlier, ex-Millwall
FACT: The most famous pundit in world football. pic.twitter.com/KI0gxJ2ra8
— BBC Sporf (@BBCSporf) August 26, 2013
Impressively Shaped Eggs of the Week
Melissa Satta, girlfriend of Kevin-Prince Boateng, AC Milan
That's true love… @sattamelissa pic.twitter.com/NHq8K7y8kH
— Kevin-Prince Boateng (@KPBofficial) August 27, 2013
Antipathy of the Week
Steve Simonsen, ex-Stevenage, with regards the club’s current manager Graham Westley
Get back in your technical area little man! #DavidBrent pic.twitter.com/RAvqrshJbB
— Steven Simonsen (@SteveSimmoGK) August 28, 2013
Olivier Bernard Tweets of the Week
Robbie Fowler, ex-Liverpool
Watching half time analysis.. Olivier Bernard or Martin lawrence #bluestreak
— Robbie Fowler (@Robbie9Fowler) August 28, 2013
Andrew Hughes, Charlton Athletic
This is awkward halftime analysis wow spit it out oliveeeeeaaaaaa #stiff.com
— andrew hughes (@Andrew10dog) August 28, 2013
Oliver Bernhard could do with letting his balls breath #trouserslooktiggghhhttttt
— andrew hughes (@Andrew10dog) August 28, 2013
Hogan Ephraim, Queens Park Rangers
Oliver Bernard's accent is all over the gaff!! Got a mixture of about 8 different things going on here!
— Hogan Ephraim (@HoganEphraim) August 28, 2013
Stephen Folan, Limerick
Olivier Bernard Is a legend his accent is too funny
— stephen folan (@StephenFolan) August 28, 2013
Antisocial Behaviour of the Week
Millie Ruddock, daughter of Neil
I don't think people appreciate justin bieber blaring stuck in traffic with my roof down
— Millie Ruddock (@MillieRuddock) August 28, 2013
Ego of the Week
Tancredi Palmeri, La Gazzetta dello Sport
Oh btw thank you for being 65.002 followers. As usual,the 65.000th wins chance to ask me whatever. So @Tedious_Tweeter you have 30' by now
— Tancredi Palmeri (@tancredipalmeri) August 28, 2013
The 65.000th follower didn't take the chance. So chance to the 65.001st to ask me whatever, which is @bruno_binotto
— Tancredi Palmeri (@tancredipalmeri) August 28, 2013
Deadpan of the Week
Gary Lineker, Match of the Day
I've missed the odd episode of the Bale saga lately. Will have to wait for the box set.
— Gary Lineker (@GaryLineker) August 28, 2013
Can’t Get Anyone’s Name Right of the Week
Alan Sugar, ex-Tottenham Hotspur chairman
3-1 to Cardiff first manager to be fired Pelligrino place your bet with Ray Winston…….NOW!
— Lord Sugar (@Lord_Sugar) August 25, 2013
@GaryLineker RT: isn't Pelligrini sparking water
— Lord Sugar (@Lord_Sugar) August 25, 2013
I would like to see ManU win tonight.The special one has tried to wind up Moyles over Rooney.
— Lord Sugar (@Lord_Sugar) August 26, 2013
Correction : I would like to see ManU win tonight.The special one has tried to wind up Moyes over Rooney.To correction Nazis I meant Moyes
— Lord Sugar (@Lord_Sugar) August 26, 2013
“That Lot Would Probably Still Beat the Current Team” of the Week
Newcastle United
Tickets to see Shearer, Lee, Cole, Beardsley, Asprilla, Ferdinand, Solano & many more will be dispatched after the Fulham game this weekend
— Stephen Harper (@steveharper37) August 28, 2013
Empathy of the Week
I totally empathize with Celtic fans right now. Unless Millwall find a goal we will also not progress in a cup we have no chance of winning.
— Danny Baker (@prodnose) August 28, 2013
Observations of the Week
Danny Baker
Forest/Millwall has gone into extra time in Capital 1 Cup. This is like when a band who have been so-so are doing extended encores.
— Danny Baker (@prodnose) August 28, 2013
Neil Lennon watching this game with a posture and expression like a dad at a school concert when their own kid isn't onstage.
— Danny Baker (@prodnose) August 28, 2013
Ouchie of the Week
David Gray, Stevenage
Poor David Gray. Not the singer, the Stevenage defender. Just re-created Phil Babb v Chelsea in 1998. Will be squeaking for a week *winces*
— Dominic King (@DominicKing_DM) August 28, 2013
Tune in on Monday for our Tweets of the Weekend!