Clubs agree with two-bit satirical websites to release statement in comedic pidgin English.
In-form star bagged his third consecutive brace in 2-0 win over Chelsea.
Substitute made late mistake the previous week against Everton.
"The Hotspurs aren't the only mediocre disappointment in Tottenham."
Hit back at critics making light of Champions League exit by immediately booking place in Europa draw.
Have won just one of five matches so far.
Sixth successive defeat at the stadium.
Action taken to ease mental burden of playing Champions League games there.
85,000 go to see 1-2 Champions League defeat.