News30.11.16 19:06

Gareth Southgate confirmed as new England sucker

Former Pizza Hut star announced as head fall guy coach on permanent basis.

News21.11.16 11:53

“We were looking for Rooney,” insist strip club duo Henderson and Lallana

England pair were unaware their drunken captain was playing piano at a wedding.

News18.11.16 14:52

England v Scotland poppies used to make “ineffectual heroin”

Bogus product blights post-industrial towns nationwide.

News17.11.16 16:51

Executive wedding planners ask Wayne Rooney to stop playing football

Consultants angered as he turns out for England hours before client's bash.

News16.11.16 13:02

Southgate blames late England collapse on premature mannequin challenge

Defenders' early celebration lets Spain back in.

Jokes16.11.16 03:04

The best jokes from England 2-2 Spain, Southgate’s side fail to hold on to friendly lead

Two late goals at Wembley ruin caretaker manager's record.

News12.11.16 12:08

England v Scotland happens

Millions oblivious.

Jokes11.11.16 22:14

The best jokes from England 3-0 Scotland, World Cup qualifier

Gareth Southgate's side triumph at Wembley on a Friday night.

News08.11.16 10:42

Looming spectre of international break leaves everyone in dread

Prospect of England v Scotland not enough to prevent naked doom-mongering in our streets.